UNBROKEN

SEVENTY FIFTH INSTALMENT

The new place was a duplex. Not in the normal sense though, it was not a joined to another duplex it was stand alone. At the front door there was a small veranda, when you walked in to the house directly in front of you was the lounge room and from there you could see the dining room and the back door. As you walked in to the right were two doors the first was Ava's room the next was Tatt's (our friend) room then at the end of the hall was the bathroom. When you walked through the bathroom there were two entries one that we have just walked through from the hall and the other to my room. The kitchen was small with benches and a glass top oven. It was a nice new little duplex.

Ava had started pre school by this time so our routine was pretty normal. Get up in the morning, get Ava breakfast and ready for school then I would take her to school. This left me an entire day to myself to do cleaning, visit people etc before I had to pick her up. This gave me too much time to think which can be dangerous.

I continued to have my girls nights out but I was becoming a little more withdrawn. I think at this stage everything had caught up with me. I was missing my Pa so very terribly as he was the one person outside my Mum I could chat to and he would always make everything OK, we didn't have to talk about problem we just spoke and hearing his voice was enough.

I was a little depressed on the inside, bound and broken. I needed my Pa, so one night I had an urge so badly to speak to him that after getting Ava dinner, bathed and off to bed I decided to light my candles. I sat on the lounge and thought about my Pa as Ava was in bed and Tatt was out I sat down and spoke out loud to the candle as if it were my Pa.

"Pa, I need you now more than ever" I said with all my heart as the tears rolled down my face uncontrollably. Whilst looking at the candle in front of my the candles flame burst up brightly then return to a normal high. I was shocked but I felt it was my Pa tell me it will all be ok. I thought to myself 'that's could be a fluke'

"Pa if that is you please raise the candle again" as I finished the words the candles flared up again. That confirmed it for me, it was my Pa trying to communicate. I know as you read this you will probably not believe me but it was true, as true as you reading these words and from past experiences as you all know I was not afraid of this but comforted. These chats continued for weeks every question was answered by the flame bursting upwards and as the weeks past my depression started to go. Pardon the pun but I could see a light at the end of the tunnel.

One night months later I sat down late one evening for my nightly chat with Pa and the flame did not move, not matter what questions I asked.

"Pa, where are you?" I cried there was not movement.

"Pa, I need you" the tears ran down my cheeks whilst my body filled with dread. It was like losing him all over again. After hours of trying I finally blew out the candle, walked to my room and flopped on to my bed curled up into the fetal position and cried myself to sleep. The weirdest thing happened this night. As I sleep I could sense my Pa. I could not see him or hear his words like I did with Nigel. I felt! His words

"Everything is going to be OK Emily, I'm going now"

"No Pa, you can't leave"

"I have done what I need to do. I will always be here for you. I love you Emily" After I felt these words I cried and cried

"No Pa don't leave me" but then there was nothing. No sensing him, his words nothing just a dark cold night. I couldn't understand why he would leave me. He had brought me so much comfort, helped me through dark times. I had already said goodbye once and I really thought he was back for good.

When I woke the next morning we went through our same routine but I felt empty. I knew there was no more nightly talks with Pa. He had left. I tried again over the next few nights but still nothing Pa really was gone.

That very weekend the girls decided it was time to take me out and make me have some fun. They had no idea what had happened, not even Tina knew about my chats with Pa as I didn't want me telling someone to make it stop but they new I was not me and hadn't been for some time. Tina and the girls turned up and fussed around me to get me ready, they picked out my clothes and did my makeup, cracked open a bottle of pink champagne, put music on and did my hair. No matter how much I said I just wanted to stay at home they would not take no for an answer. Ava went to stay with one of my other friends that's she loved dearly.

After we had drunk two bottles of pink champagne it was of to our local club. We all got in to the taxis and headed out. They got me dancing, playing pool and drinking. Everyone was coming up to me telling me they had missed me and checking on why I hadn't been out etc. soon enough I was feeling a little more like me. I was having a great night. Whilst we were dancing Tina leant in to me

"That guy over there had not taken his eyes off you" I spun around and saw a tall (6 foot plus) dark hair, dark skinned guy smiling at me. He raised his drink as my eyes met his.

"He's cute but I'm not really here to meet someone, I just want to have fun"

"It can't hurt to chat to him Emily" Tina said. I just continued dancing with the girls. Tina went off to get us all drinks and when she returned I was tapped on the should.

"Hi, I'm Russ, would you like to dance" the stranger said. I spun around and looked at Tina as if to say why did you do that. She raised her glass gave me a cheeky smile and said

"Go on Emily, this nice guy asked you to dance" I turned around and nodded in agreement. My intention was just one dance but one turned in to two and so one. Russ was a complete gentleman. He did not touch me or say anything wrong he just danced and smiled...