UNBROKEN

SEVENTEENTH INSTALMENT

I dated Dan for some time. He went away for his apprenticeship training for 2 weeks at a time and as promised he called every night. I was so in love (or so I thought) . When he got back from being away we would go out on dates.

A few times he was away he would call and be very distant. He would say to me

"Emily, I don't think this will work". and hang up the phone after we talked for a little while and my heart would be broken. I would go to my room and cry. Mum would come in to check if I was ok but I wouldn't talk about it. She would say

"Emily! There are plenty of fish in the sea" all I would so is look at her and say

"I don't want anyone else mum I want Dan".

Dan would call again in a week and say sorry and be nice and rope me back in and the next day he would call it off. I had my heart broken over and over again but being young I would always go back for more.

After a few months I had had another fight with Arthur and decided I would move out. Mum was not happy but she knew if she pushed me she would push me away. So she supported me. Dan had moved in to a one bedroom flat with another couple. I know it sounds funny but in the hallway they built a bed about close to the ceiling. It was about 3 feet below the ceiling and the window was blacked out. There was a ladder that you walked up to get to his bedroom (if you could call it that). When you reached the top of the ladder and looked in the whole area was a mattress and to the left was a shelf which he had a radio on and straight ahead was a window that he had painted black so not to be woken by the morning light. I asked if I could move in. He and the other flat mates agreed and I moved in. I had to pay my own way so I kept working at my mums shop for a while.

I had never had sex with anyone and this scared me so much. The first night Dan just held me all night not pushing me but we made out. That was the first time I had felt his man part against my leg. The next night we had sex. It hurt so much. I was so scared and so young but I thought I was so much older than I was.

I hadn't been to karate for so long and I stopped going to hockey. I didn't even turn up to school. Mum spoke to a detective in town about it to try and get me home but he said there was nothing he could do about it so I stayed there.

I had never lived away from a home where meals where cooked for you and I had to fend for myself so my meals consisted of 1 slice of toast and juice for breakfast and a packet of 2 minute noodles and that was it. Over the months I lost so much weight. I didn't realise how much till I went to visit mum at the shop (I also gave that up) and my Pa and Nan were there. Pa said "Emily! You are skinnier than me" I looked and laughed because I didn't see it.

Dan would go out more often at night and not come home till late or stay out. I used to feel so alone. I knew I could go home but I was stubborn and I didn't want to lose him.
A few months in Dan was sitting at the kitchen table and Shaun had come over to visit. He didn't realise I was in our bed. I heard Shaun say

"it take a special kind of someone to have 2 woman at once and have one live with you how do you do it". I was gutted. I didn't know what to do so I left a note with tears spilt all over it saying

"Dan, I heard what you and Shaun were talking about, I have gone to Melissa's (my karate sister)".

When I arrived at Melissa's I was a mess as I had to walk for 45minutes to get there. She held me and said

"sis you deserve better than this, for get him". I trusted her and loved her so much I decided she was right. I was leaving. I walked all the way back and when I got there Dan's car was not there, so I went inside and walked up the familiar ladder. I packed what clothes I had. I heard the door open and Dan come in. He was drunk. He climbed the ladder there was nowhere for me to go. When he got up the ladder he started saying how sorry he was and that Shaun was wrong etc etc. but I knew he was lying. I said its over I deserve better and he grabbed my arms and pinned me to the bed. I struggled as when I looked at his eyes I could see the evil I had seen in my fathers eyes. I said Dan your hurting me please get off. With one hand pressed down on my arms he undid his pants. At this stage I was really scared and there was no one else in the house so yelling wouldn't have helped. He then ripped my under pants to the side and I kept saying

"No Dan, No Dan" but this didn't stopped him. I started to yell even though no one could hear me I was hoping someone would come and help me. He used one hand to hold 2 of mine and then he covered my mouth with the other. After some time of my crying and struggling I don't really remember how long he hoped off me and just smiled. I grabbed my clothes and started wandering the street. By this time it was dark and I somehow ended up in a park. Crying and screaming. I can still hear it to this day especially when I write this.

I don't know how but I made my way down town to a ladies flat (she was about 22 from memory and lived above a shop we will call her Skye). I walked up the stairs that led to her flat I was crying and I didn't realise that my shirt was torn and so were my underwear. I knocked on the door. A guy opened the door he would have been about 18 and all I said is "Skye" he opened the door and walk with me to where Skye was sitting on her bed. The house smelt of dope (Skye smoked) and incense. When I got to her she was wasted. She looked at me and asked what had happened. It wasn't hard to tell what had happened but she asked. I would answer her I just stared at her. When Skye and I were alone I told her what had happened. She laid me on her bed (she had crystals under her sheets as she believed they healed). After I had calmed down a bit she walked out. I could here her talking to the guy that had let me in. He wasn't alone there were other people there as I heard their voices also but didn't realise they where there when I walked in and I walked straight past them. I heard Skye tell them

"she has been raped". I heard getting running around and the upset voices of young men ready to go on a rampage. I hadn't told Skye who just what. I would hate to think what would have happened had I told her the name as it was a small town and everyone knew everyone. I stayed there that night and Skye slept beside me. I didn't sleep at all I felt dirty and kept thing it is my own fault. I had slept with him before and maybe I asked for it. But I know now No means No and that, that was not ok.

I went home to mums the next day. I didn't tell her what had happened but I had put up a wall so high that even mum couldn't get through or over it. She knew what had happened I think as I wouldn't leave the house. I did eventually return to school but again I was reserved. I told Nigel, Trish and Kylie what had happened. Nigel was pissed he went straight up to Dan's brother and told him what he thought of his brother. I asked Kylie and Trish to stop him but nothing and no one was going to stop him.

The girls where so supportive and didn't want to leave my side my confidence was gone. Someone told my mum and next thing I know our detective friend came to visit me at home. We chatted in my room and he started with

"mum told me what happened Emily". I didn't look at him and didn't respond. Eventually he said words I will never forget

"Emily, we can charge him but to be honest it will be your word against his in court and they will put you through hell or we can pay him a visit off the record". This time I responded with

"I just want it to get away". The conversation went in for a while but it was all one way (him talking to me) he left the room and spoke with mum then he left. Mum only said

"if you want to talk about it darlin I'm here" she knew me too well.

I had been back at school a few weeks when we had a sports carnival. We were all together walking down town when a car pulled up, it was hotted up. A guy came running out and started yelling at friend of mine (we will call her Ally) The guys was the same guy who had opened the door at Skye's house (we will call him Jay). The girl he was yelling at had been picking on his sister and it seemed he was just protecting his sister. I looked at him I didn't think he was hot but something inside me thought he was ok and being he was the first person I saw when I got to Skye's house he seemed to be a protector.

He said what he had to say after he threatened her and got in his car and drove away.

Jay had entered my life like a tornado...

⚡️⚡️Author Notes ⚡️⚡️

Thank you for taking the time to read my life story.

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