UNBROKEN

TWENTY FIRST INSTALMENT

I finally introduced Jay to my Mum. Let's just say she wasn't to happy when we turned up in a hotted up car and she found out I was dating him.

Mum was a bit cold towards him but nice enough. Mum knew better than to say she didn't like a friend of mine or a boy friend because I didn't listen and I also would rebel and become closer to them. I got the feeling she didn't really like him. Jay had no idea but I knew my Mum and her body language.

I stayed over at Jay's house quite often and one night when I was there he asked if I would sleep with him. He had a fold out sofa in his room the type where it is a mattress that folds up to a lounge, so when you fold it out it is a very skinny mattress directly on the ground. It was not comfortable at all. That night we did have sex. I was so nervous I actually hid my face and cried (not good tears though). I really didn't want to do it but I felt bad as he was 18 and to me so much older and he made it out like this is what your supposed to do when you are together without saying those words. The light was out so you could see while my silent tears rolled down my face (I hated sex so much).

This happened a few times and after a few weeks I started to feel really sick. Jay took me to the doctors. I didn't want Jay to come in. I don't know why but I don't like people coming in to the doctors with me only my Mum and she wasn't there this day.

The doctor asked me a lot of questions then he said "are you sexually active?". How embarrassing I went read in the face and couldn't speak. He asked me again "Emily! Are you sexually active". That word "Sex" I hated hearing it. I finally said "yes Doctor". He told me to take a specimen jar to the toilet and get a sample. I didn't even think about pregnancy at that time, I had been taking the pill for period pain for about 6 months. When I return he got a dropper and put some of the specimen on a square pregnancy test. Then he said " now we wait".

This waiting was killing me then all of a sudden I got the courage to look down and I saw a blue cross... It was positive...... He looked at me and all I could do was cry. He gave me a tissue and said "Emily, you are going to have to speak with your mother".
So many thoughts were running through my brain.
- how was I going to tell Mum?
- Mums going to hate me
- what am I going to do?
- what will I say to Jay?
The only words that came out were "I'm only 15" then more crying. I say in the doctors office for at least an hour. He calmed me down and gave me so many tissues. He said "you have options Emily, how about you go and speak with the your Mother then come back with her and we can talk it through".

I got up and walked to the door. I stopped and look back at him and he said "you should really take this Emily" and he handed me the test (I still have that test in my memory box to this day).

When I finally opened the door Jay was there and he asked if I was ok and what took so long. Since I had started to sleep with him he had changed a bit. It was almost like he took me for granted and now this!!!!!

I asked if we could go for a drive and we did. We went down a dirt road close to where my horse paddock use to be. He pulled up and said "Emily, what did he say?" I looked at him and all I managed in a whisper was the word "pregnant". He went really quiet then he looked at me and said angrily " well what do you want to do?". I told him I didn't really know, that I needed to tell mum and go back to the doctor he had options. Jay started the car and drove really fast sliding along the back road I was so scared I yelled at him " Jay!!!! Your scaring me, slow down" he slammed the breaks on and looked over at me and said "For fuck sake Emily! You just told me your fucking pregnant and you want me to calm down". I didn't say a word I just sat there his eyes had turned grey and he was furious. I finally said " Jay I can't do anything about it now. I just have to have time to think. Can you please take me home".

We sped off down the track and this time I didn't say anything, I just sat there holding on tight to the seat hoping we wouldn't have an accident. We got the the driveway and Jay leaned over and said " I'm sorry Emily, I didn't mean to get angry with you I was just shocked that's all." He leaned in to kiss me and I kissed him back. He asked if I wanted him to come in and I said "No I'm fine, I'll call you tomorrow".

I walked around the back and walked up the familiar stairs that led inside. Mums car was there. I walked past the laundry, the kitchen and through the dining room till I got to the lounge room. I looked over at Mum she looked so content sitting on the lounge that I couldn't bring myself to say anything. I sat down and we had a chat about the day and going back to school etc. we had dinner and I went to bed early.

I went to shook the next day first day back after our break. I was not myself and everyone was asking if I was ok. Everyone was chatting about there holidays and when they asked what I had gotten up to I said "I'm pregnant". Some of the girls thought it was great a baby wow it would be so awesome, no more school etc. but those I was really close to knew me and knew it wasn't great and I was scared. Trish, Kylie, Pam and Nigel took me away. They asked what I was going to do. I had no idea but I knew I had to tell Mum and I told then that. They all offered to be with me. They all lived out of town apart from Pam and Nigel. I asked her to come with me to Mum's shop that afternoon as I couldn't wait any longer to tell her. She agreed.

That day went so quickly. We stayed at school all day that day as I didn't want to go home. When the last bell rang everyone came over and hugged me and said it's going to be ok we are here for you no matter what. They were true friends.

Pam and I walked all the way down to mums shop where Pam's mum now worked a couple of days a week. When we got there mum looked over and said "what are you two up to? What brings you down here today?". I froze so Pam said "Emily needs to talk to you Mrs x" so Mum asked Pam's mum to watch the shop while we went out the back. I sat in a table and cross my legs (I never did this) and Pam sat next to me, mum sat on a chair. "So Emily what do you have to say?". I giggled (weird reaction I know but that is what happened. I was so nervous and my brain had a stupid reaction and this giggle was it. I looked and mum and said "I'm pregnant!". Mum didn't really react she just said "you should have done that a while ago" and pointed at my crossed legs. She then said "well what are you going to do? Are you having it or getting rid of it?" I looked at her and was so angry and said " I'm having it". She said "what every you decide it is your decision, but if you have decided to kept it I am not baby sitting and it is your responsibility to raise it. I will be here for you but I will not raise it for you".

Wow not what I expected at all. After our chat Pam and I walked out and just before I left I said "please don't tell Arthur". Mum agreed and said she wasn't going to tell anyone as that was my responsibility. She also agreed to come back to the doctors with me. Pam was in shock "my Mum would have killed me and your Mum was so calm and cool". I looked at Pam and said " My Mum is disappointed and hurt, I could see it in her eyes".

I got home and called Jay let him know I had told Mum. He was worried about her reaction but I just said "give me a few days, I'll see you on the weekend and we can go from there".

When mum got home we went to the doctors and he told me I could keep it, have an abortion or give it up for adoption. I said "this child didn't asked to be created so I will not abort it and I definitely won't be giving it away". So the decision was made, I was 15 and having a baby.....