[Legacy of a Martyr #2] Liberation from the Masquerades (A Key Keepers novel)

Episode 72: Mixed Emotions

I was with Cole in the backyard at my house. It was the day after Alain proposed to his Soulmate.

I had gone with Del and Noah to the Christmas lights. Cole went, too, but he wasn't with us. He was helping Alain's friend make sure everything went smoothly.

The Christmas lights were fun. It was calm since we didn't take the monkeys with us. I liked the lights, but sometimes they flickered too much or were too bright. It was worse if the place was noisy or crowded.

It was nice to see that Lie and Eni had a good time. Their smiles made me happy. Noah enjoying his time with Eni made us feel good too. Give it time, and they'd be like brothers.

I looked at Cole. He was sketching something, but I couldn't tell what it was supposed to become.

"Hey, Cole?"

"Yeah?" He didn't look up from his sketching.

I was sparking. "How did you feel when Noah and Del told you Alain was going to propose to his Soulmate?"

"I was happy for them."

"You didn't feel anything else?"

He glanced at me. "I was pleasantly surprised. Weddings are usually a lot of the fun."

I raised my eyebrows. "It didn't bother you or anything?"

"No... Why would that bother me?"

"It didn't make you think about anything? It didn't make you think about what happened back then?"

He laughed. "Not as much as you might think." He set his sketchbook down. "Did you see what I ate before we went to the place with the lights?"

"I think someone said they were called egg salad sandwiches..." I looked at the sky. "And I know you brought a lemon-lime soda when Arthur dropped us off."

"Know why I had that?"

I shook my head.

"It makes me feel better when I'm nervous. I don't feel like my lunch is going to come back up."

Huh... I never knew that...

"But it really doesn't bother you that you and Cy didn't get to have your big day?"

"Of course, I get sad about that sometimes, but I just cry if I need to then keep going." He put his hand on my shoulder, looked into my eyes, and smiled. "Cy wouldn't want us to be sad all the time."

I had tears in my eyes. "I'm happy for them. I really am... but it still bugs me."

"What does?"

"You guys didn't get to have your fairy tale, because of me..."

"Alastair." He pressed on my shoulders. "That is not true. What happened back then was not your fault."

I shook my head. "It was my work that did it."

"It was not."

"It was my fault."

Cole turned his back to me. "Why don't you go lay down in your hammock? I'm going to see if the others need help with the monkeys."

***

I was in my hammock when En came outside. He looked like he might have been tired.

"Hiding from the monkeys?" I asked.

En sighed. "I love the little rascals, but sometimes, they're just too much. Even Ran was calmer than them growing up."

Was that really true? Del might have been better at doing things gently, but was he really calmer? Plus, Del didn't have a twin to mess around with.

"Did you need a blanket?" he asked.

"I'm okay." I turned my head. "Is Cole mad at me?"

En grabbed a chair and sat in front of me. "What makes you think he's mad?"

"I was talking to him earlier. After a while, he said that I should lay down in my hammock and went inside to check on everybody."

"What did you talk about?"

I sighed. "You know how one of our friends just got engaged?"

"Yeah."

I could feel myself shaking. "I was asking him how he felt about it. He said he was happy for them."

"That doesn't sound too bad. Did something else happen?"

"I wanted to know if it bothered him. Of course, I'm happy for them but it bugs me, too."

En furrowed his eyebrows. "What does?"

"Cole didn't get to have his big day..."

"That's right... Didn't you guys tell us that he was engaged, too, at one point? And it was to one of your friends? What was her name?"

I nodded. "Her name was Cyan..."

"What happened to her?"

"She died..."

En pulled me into a hug. "I'm sure he gets sad about it sometimes, but that doesn't mean he can't be happy for other people. I don't think he's the kind of guy who gets jealous very much."

"I wish I could have stopped it, though... They were going to get married after I finished my mission."

"Not matter what happened, it isn't your fault and that she died. You guys have each other. I'm sure that makes her happy."

En didn't know... She wouldn't have died like she did if I'd kept her out of my work. She died protecting me...

"Is there anything I can do to help you feel better?" He ruffled my hair.

"I dunno... Feelings are weird... I don't know why I'm crying anymore..."

He smiled. "That's okay. Sometimes, we need to cry to feel better."

Maybe it could be a good thing, but I didn't like it. it felt like I did it a lot sometimes...

"Why don't we go inside? Hannah was talking about making hot cocoa and breaking up into teams to make gingerbread houses. It'll be fun for the monkeys."

I sat up. "Okay. That sounds good."

I wanted to get a hug from Del, too. They were tight but they didn't squash you. They were so good when I felt bad like this.

***

Thoughts? Theories? Predictions?

~Shino out!