kpop idol - me

chpt 49)fight aftermath and the day before the Grammy's

25th january 2020

today is the day before the grammy awards.

we had lots of rehearsals recently and i have been working non stop.i haven't had anymore 'scandals' and the media has died down about tae joo and jaemin.

bts has also has their 'connect' projects across the world and i am glad to announce its success.

as for me and taehyung , we haven't spoken recently and neither of us are willing to apologise until the other does. it has put the other members in the middle and rehearsals into a bit of a pain.we do talk when necessary , but it is small talk , like " you did that wrong , your leg should do that"..."ok".

i had just the rehearsals for my performance and the pre recording.bts also just finished theirs with lil nas x .

we had scheduled a company dinner a while back for tonight in honour of how far we had come. all staff members were going and i had rented out an entire restaurant and had american security guards around the place so that the korean security team could be here to eat too.

i got there with my staff at around 8pm and went to my table where yoona and david sat down too. a few minutes later the bts members and their staff walked in. everyone went to their tables, the members sat with us.i was sitting in a comfortable chair with yoongi and jungkook next to me.

everyone began ordering and once it got to my turn i didn't know what to order.

me: umm...could i have a lemonade and this spaghetti...yeah al pomodoro please.

waitress: would you like an alcoholic drink miss?

me: no thank you , could also get a coca cola with it please..thank you.

everyone passed their mens down and i stacked them before handing to the waitress who was just finishing writing down my order.

waitress: oh , thank you very much.

she left and went to the kitchen.

out table began talking about tommorow and the general atmosphere and pressure on us .

namjoon: i was sitting next to eunha whilst going to the grammys for the rehearsals and her phone was so hot , it was literally buzzing every second and then she got angry and just shut it down and i couldnt stop laughing .

i chuckled as they continued talking.the table got into their separate conversations and i sat in the middle , i felt so out of place.i want to be at home just sitting down and thinking to myself but i am here , in a social place that needs me to be 'diamond' and not eunha...i felt a large amount of pressure on my chest and the sudden urge that i couldnt breathe, i tilted my head back as it rested on the head rest of the chair and closed my eyes. i gulped and opened my eyes again to look at the ceiling , they must have spent thousands decorating that.

i grabbed my neck and chest and pulled the chair back.i put my phone and wallet on the table.

me: look after these , i am going to the toilet.

i walked away and glanced at everyone in their friendship groups and how close and contempt they were.why do i feel like a elephant in a room full of unicorns?

i managed to find the toilet , i went into a cubicle and locked the door behind myself.i stood there , running my hand over my face and into my hair.i heard the toilet door open and someone come in , then footsteps into another cubicle.

i breathed in and opened the cubicle door and went over to the mirror. i stared at myself for a moment before washing my hands.i splashed some water over my face and walked back out of the toilet and into the restaurant.i went back into my seat and pulled the chair in.