kpop idol - me

chpt 106) the conversation and its aftermath

"no , i genuinely want to talk about everything"

 i closed my laptop . stood up door and said "lets go downstairs, i dont want to wake anyone up"

he stood up and followed me to the living room. we sat on opposing sofas and i watched him as he awkwardly squired into finding the words to say

me: its really late..should we have this conversation another time?

jungkook:no...we wont find another time and by then you will be in another country or i will be or we just wont get to see each other privately

me: we have time, chill

i stood up to leave

Jungkook: NO!

he shouted

it scared me and i instinctively sat back down

jungkook: sorry i didnt mean to scare you. i just meant , i want to say these things now before it becomes too late

me: say what

Jungkook: i started it, and im sorry

me: but this is what i dont get. started what? why do you hate me? it all started when you got han so hee for your music video despite knowing i hate her. and i confrotned you about it and you literally brushed me off and made me feel so pathetic. why did you do it? why did you hire her? i recommend so many great actresses. so why her? when you know i have personally argued with her, my friends have had so many problems with her and my staff (and other staff members) have had problems with her...why? what was the rationality? was it intentional? did you choose her to hurt me? or did you like her? as a friend or romantically? if its romantically i will warn you and support you nevertheless. but why?

jungkook:i dont know. it was a rash decsion i shouldnt have made

me: it wasnt rash though was it? you choose her from a lineup of actresses we knew we could hire, by the way that list had over 20 people highlighted that  i personally vetted and knew!!! so why her? who wasnt even on the list? why choose her when all of your staff, the director and poducer begged you not too.  it was not rash. it was a strategic and calculated move on your behalf.

Jungkook: I - I - i choose her because i knew you didnt like her.

my heart sunk

me: you did it to spite me? okay. okay. lets go back to our arguement at the wedding. you said i ignore you when you ask me to do things for you. when have i ignored you?

jungkook: when you talk to harry. or when you choose shitty guys to date. or when you choose random guys for a PR stunt to save taehyung from a scandal. 

me: that has nothing to do with you. 

Jungkook: it does. because you are always running to me when they break your heart. or ranting to me when you are angry at taehyung from nearly causing another scandal... or making me be the peacekeeper between you and the members when you guys are angry at each other.

me: shut the fuck up. me and taehyung have our share of arguements but we always work things out and that is normal. we are eerily alike as people so it is not suprising that we butt heads. and when do i argue with the others? jimin, never. yoongi? never. Jin? never. Namjoon. once and he agreed i was right. hoseok. never.you? seemingly all the time, accoridng to you. so what. what is it now for the love of god?

jungkook: you just always date assholes and hurt yourself

me: oh my god , again with harry. get over him. you say his name more than i or his mother every have. i forget about him and you constantly bring him up