Under my skin

Chapter 38 - Love Ivy.

*Author's note*

WARNING: This chapter may contain content that some readers are sensitive to.

I'm SO, SO sorry that it took me about a week to post. I'm just flat out busy, and it's exhausting.

However, I will soon be writing a new story called 'Liam's little accident', so look out for another 1D fanfic!

Now bask in the sadness of Niall, and enjoy! xoxo

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Chapter 38 - @Julia_Golafshan (twitter)

*Niall's POV*

My dearest Nialler...

I don't know what to write. The other letters were easier, but you mean the world to me! For a little while, you were my world.

I'm sorry about what I've done. I know you'll find a way to forget, and hopefully you can move on soon.

I don't want you to hurt, I don't want you to even cry over me - my life was a mistake, and you don't know how sorry I am that I dragged you all into that mistake.

I don't know what happenst after you die - do you go to heaven? Am I going to hell for who I've been? Or is death empty and full of nothingness?

You saved me from so much, but now I've saved you regret from being with me. I love you so much - even though I'm not with you anymore, I still love you. And I'm so proud of you.

You've come such a long way, and you are so much more confident now than you were once, when I met you.

Life got too complicated Niall. Some things happened that even I couldn't take back, so I took the cowardly way out.

But it's still a way out.

I love you so much, Niall James Horan. I really hope you meet someone who makes you happy.

All my love, Ivy xoxo

*Louis' POV*

We all tried not to look at Niall as he read Ivy's letter.

It was bad enough that we all cried, but I have never heard a man sob the way that he did.

When he finished, he cried harder than ever; Zayn went up to him and sat there hugging him.

I don't think anyone realised just how much he cared about Ivy, or the immensity of his feelings for her.

It broke my heart to see it, and yet reminded me of how much I cared about Eleanor.

I picked up my phone and texted her a quick message to remind her that I loved her and to stay safe.

Liam, Harry and I all walked over to where Niall and Zayn were, and we joined in the hug. I don't know how long we stayed like that, but none of us cared who saw.

We were there for Niall - he's like a brother to all of us, and we support our brothers.

But then the nurse walked in, and the hug dissolved; Niall, still crying, asked her about Ivy's condition.

The nurse smiled.

"She's alive, and she should be alright. The doctors have pumped her stomach, and none of the drugs appear to be in her system anymore, apart from the amount that was absorbed into her bloodstream. Her wrists have been stitched up - she's extremely lucky considering what happened. She's not conscious right now, but you'll be able to see her in a few minutes."

Niall sank back into the waiting chair, and while we were all smiling, Niall had his eyes closed and was lying back. It must have been close to midnight, or afterwards, and we were all exhausted. But somehow, what the nurse said registered to one of the boys - Harry.

"Wait a second Niall, did she say they pumped her stomach? What the hell did they need to do that for if she just... cut her wrists?"

Concern filled his voice, and pain was etched on Niall's face as he explained what they told him in the ambulance.

"She didn't just cut her wrists, Harry: she also took a lot of Tylenol - they were unsure about the amount before, but it was a heck of a lot. She really wanted to... die."

He started sobbing again, just as the nurse came out. She gestured to us to follow her, and supporting Niall as he got up, we walked together.

We got some strange looks, and some worried ones, but finally we stopped in front of the room.

"You have about half an hour, and you need to be very quiet, okay?" she said sternly, but her face became a bit more gentle when she saw Niall crying.

"Just remember, she's going to be alright."

*Harry's POV*

I was overcome with guilt. I mean, it was all my fault!

I kissed her, against her will, and she tried to commit suicide.

After everything that happened with her dad, she needed a break - and she had one, didn't she?

But no, I had to go and destroy all that with my feelings. I am a jerk. I guess all those haters are right when they say that I'm only a player.

I tried to steal Niall's girl, when I could have had anyone. But no, I tried to get the girl that was already taken.

I stepped out of the room - I couldn't stand the Niall's loving presence anymore, when I was beating myself up mentally.

Louis walked out, smiling at me, and came and put a hand on my shoulder.

"Is everything alright Haz? You know they said she's going to be alright, so it's okay. We can breathe again."

Once again he smiled at me, but I could see in his face that he was worried.

So I told him.

I told him what I had done, and that it was all my fault, and that I'd been a complete and total idiot.

Then I waited.

"You have been an idiot Harry; you most definitely shouldn't have done what you did. But that doesn't make it your fault mate! She chose to take those painkillers, and she chose to use the razor. You didn't force her too, so you can't blame yourself for that."

I thought about what he said, still feeling awful like I should, and he gave me a hug, which really did make me feel better.

"Look, Haz, it's all going to be okay. Alright?"

Just then some nurses and doctors came running as I heard the boys yell.

"What's happening??" I asked one nurse who was sprinting inside. She looked right into my eyes for a brief second and said, "She's flatlined."

I felt my head get heavy and then light just as I passed out.