Damaged / ℂ𝕠𝕞𝕡𝕝𝕖𝕥𝕖𝕕 /

Sixty - Nine

"Are you still mad at me?" I dared to ask him once we were in my dorm "For what? For the space thing or for you wanting to fuck with someone else?" He asked bluntly.

I blushed at his choice of words "I'd never want to sleep with anyone that isn't you" I said quietly "But you do want space" He said rubbing his face clearly stressed.

"Noah, I just dont want to be there every night you need to understand, I'm doing this for your own good" I sighed "No, you're doing this for your own good, don't fucking lie to me, I see right through you" He hissed.

"You are wrong-" I began but he pinned me against the wall, with his face inches away from me "You don't want to forgive me, because you know I will fuck up again" He growled, shivers running down my spine as he stared in my eyes.

"Because you know I am a fuck up, and you know I'm a bomb on his edge of exploding" He whispered, I glanced down at his lips, this is not the time Ava.

"That's not true" I managed to crack out, in between the sexual tension that was hanging in the air "What's not true?" He breathed out leaning in a bit, making me feel his breath on my lips.

"I... you... you..." I tried expressing myself but I couldn't get anything out, he smirked "See? You're lying" He whispered putting his hand he had right next to my head down on my hips.

"Noah... this isnt fair" I cracked out "You know what isnt fair?" He whispered down my neck "Me loving you so much" He whispered coming back up staring back in my eyes "I'm madly in love with you, and I know that I fucked up, but you still not forgiving me" He whispered brushing his lips on mine.

"And I'm sorry baby but, I can't keep fucking you with this ache in my heart" He whispered and then pulled away, almost making me fall to the ground.

"Are you kidding me?" I glared at him "Sorry" He said, smiling fakely "You know I love you too Noah but I just-" "You just what? You're just afraid" He slightly raised his voice.

"Let me speak! Damn" I yelled at him, his eyes widened not expecting me to be the first one to yell "Don't fucking yell at me" He warned me.

"Then let me speak! I love you, and I always will love you! But we are toxic for each other, you break my heart and I break yours, and still we are here, together!" I yelled at him "Then fucking leave me!" He yelled at me.

"Don't you think I didn't try that!? It doesn't work it never works and I cant keep doing this anymore Noah it-it hurts!" I yelled out, my voice cracking by the end as the tears were building up in my eyes.

"Avalynn baby, you know I'm trying" He said softly, not raising his voice anymore, coming closer "You are manipulating me, just like I manipulate you" I cracked out as the tears streamed down my face.

"We are just in love, and like any other human on this planet, we argue and we try to survive, together" He whispered wiping my tears with his thumb.

I shook my head "I don't think I can handle this anymore" I whispered taking his hand in mine, he sighed pulling his hand out of mine.

"You can't leave me" He cracked out, with his voice trembling, while shaking his head.

"Noah" I tried to talk to him "You cant leave me!" He yelled throwing everything I had on the desk "Noah!" I gasped "You can't fucking leave! I love you! I'm trying!" He cried out throwing a mug on the ground.

"Stop" I said calmly taking his shaking hands in mine "I can't be without you I can't, I can't, I can't" He breathed out falling to his knees, I gasped looking at him getting down too "Calm down please you are scaring me" I whispered lifting his chin so he would look at me.

"Y-You can't..." He breathed out "Please, please... please" He cried out hugging me, we were now both sitting on the ground as I felt my heart break into a million pieces for him when I had a crying mess that used to be Noah in my arms.

"Please calm down" I whispered against his hair, I stroked his hair as he was shaking and sobbing in my lap "I'm here" I whispered kissing the top of his head "I'm so sorry" I whispered.

We sat there for hours, literally for hours, not saying a word, the room only filled with his sobs.

I slowly got up with him after two hours just sitting on the ground, and laid down on the bed with him.

I stared at his face once he was laying down next to me, his eyes were swollen, and red, his lips were dry, they were never dry, and swollen too.

He was taking deep breaths "I can feel you staring, please stop" He breathed out with his eyes closed, I awkwardly looked away feeling my cheeks heat up "Sorry" I said tucking us in.

"I'm sorry for breaking down, you shouldn't of have seen that" He muttered "Noah, it's okay to break down and cry, okay? It's okay" I sighed cuddling up to him softly, he wrapped his arms around my waist pulling me closer.

"I've never told you this, but I kind of like this cuddling shit" He laughed out weakly, I giggled "I knew you secretly did" I whispered pecking his cheek.

"Noah?" I whispered looking at his face, he opened his eyes looking at me "I promise I'm going to try" I whispered "I'm going to fight for you, for us, for myself" I whispered laying back down on my chest.