Not A Second Time (John Lennon Fanfic)

Chapter 33.

I walked out of the doctors office with a small bag. Three bottles of pills inside. I held Julian's hand as we walked to the vehicle. I strapped him in and kissed his cheek.

"Remember. Don't tell daddy okay?" I said. He nodded.

"I promise." He said. I looked up and noticed a few photographers snapping pictures. Great.

I walked around to the drivers seat and began my drive home.

..

It was nine thirty now as I entered the house alone after dropping Julian off at Cyn's. It was pouring out and I was a bit damp from the rain. I flipped the light switch. Nothing. Stupid storm.

John wasn't home. Atleast that's what I thought. I took my coat off and made my way to the downstairs restroom. Opening the bag. I took out the three bottles. Vitamins, and Antidepressants. The doctor said for sure, I'll need them. I looked at myself in the mirror and washed my face. I'll need to buy a bigger coat if I was going to have more photographers snapping pics of me anytime I was out.

I walked out and heard a thud upstairs. I looked up and thought about calling out his name. But I didnt. I slowly walked upstairs and made my way into the hall. I saw our bedroom door open. It was empty. I heard a voice speaking and noticed a small light under one of the guest bedroom doors. I swallowed and leaned closer. listening in.

"Did she say when she was going to be back?" I heard a females voice. I felt a sting in my chest, recognizing the accent. 

"She went to drop Julian off. That usualy takes a while."

"Good." I heard her giggle, followed by the sound of kissing. I felt sick. I felt like curling into a ball and dying. I felt like crying into George's arms. Too be now he was in Maureens. I couldn't run to Richard. I'd just end up telling him and everything would turn into a mess. There was only one person I knew I could turn to. One person I knew who proabably needed the company more than anyone else at the moment.

Paul.

..

After sneaking out as quietly as possible, I made my way out of the house and into my car. I cried the entire drive to Paul's. I made it passed the gate. up the drive. I composed myself and knocked over and over again. He opened the door. Hair messy, Shirtless, in his boxers. He rubbed his eyes and blinked when he looked at me.

"Lucy? What's wrong?"

I sniffled. "I caught them. I know Paul. I just didnt know where else to go. I had nowhere else to go."

He pulled me into his arms and kissed the top of my head.

"I thought he changed. I thought we were happy. I was happy...." I cried. He rubbed my back and brought me inside. He sat me on the sofa and brushed my hair away from my face.

"I'll make you some tea yeah?"

I nodded and looked at him. "Thank you."

I sat and wiped my eyes. smudging my eye makeup even more. I sighed and grabbed a tissue from my purse and a mirror. Paul came back and sat next to me, taking the tissue from my hands.

"Allow me."

He wiped my eyes and fixed myself. I swallowed and looked at him.

"Youve known." I said quietly. He nodded.

"Doesnt it bother you?" I asked. He sighed and sat back. "Sometimes."

I looked down and shook my head. "How long?"

"What d'you mean?"

"How long has it been going on? The truth."

He was reluctant to tell me. But I looked at him with pleading eyes. I needed to know. No matter how much it was going to hurt. And my god did it hurt.

"Ever since she was staying with you and John. Last October."

I felt my life crash into pieces. All this time. I shook my head and began to cry again.

"Wh..WHY!? I yelled. "I was faithful to him Paul! I loved him! He lied to my face over and over again! I wanted an abortion...He made me keep the baby. Even though I didnt want it because of this exact reason. He told me to keep it. He doesnt deserve to have a baby with me." I leaned into Paul's arms and cried into his chest. He held me tight and whispered to me.

"Come now Luce. This kind of stress isn't good for the baby."

I pulled back and shook  my head. "I need to go. I need to get away from all of this."

Paul watched me as I stood up and grabbed my purse. I walked to the door and was stopped.

"Lucy please. Let's have some tea alright? Ye need to calm down. I dont want ye goin out and doin something stupid out there."

I sighed and followed him into the kitchen,

..

I woke up the next morning alone in bed. I got up and had a throbbing headache. Me and Paul went out to a bar last night. It's been awhile since I've had a decent drink. I needed it more than anything. I noticed I was still clothed. We didnt sleep together. My stomach grumbled.

I walked out of the room and made my way into the kitchen. There was a note on the counter.

I had to leave for a meeting love. I'm sorry. If you're just as hungover as I am, drink a ginger ale. It helps. John's lookin for you. I thought maybe you should know. You don't have to go back to his if you dont want to. Michelle will be by at twelve. If you dont want to see her, I suggest you leave before then. Come by the studio at five alright? I want to make sure you're alright.

    Love, Paul.

I sighed and looked at the time.

11:25 am.

I better get going. I grabbed a ginger ale before I left and fixed myself up.

..

When I got home, I wasn't expecting to see John in the kitchen, sitting at the table alone. I sighed and set my keys on the counter.

"Hey." I said.

"Where were you?" He asked. I shrugged. I decided to lie and try to mess with him.

"I was with Michelle all night. Went out, had a few drinks and spent the night at Paul's."

He knew I was lying. I was curious with what he was going to say.

"Oh. Well that's fine then."

My heart sank. I walked over to him and sat down.

"John I...I need to tell you something."

He looked at me and held my hand. I looked down at our hands and shook my head. After everything. He was still that lying, cheating man. I thought he changed. I felt betrayed. Worser than when he was with Cyn.

"I lost the baby." I said calmly. He just stared at me. "I'm sorry John. I was taking the decorations down and I lost my footing. I fell on my stomach. I went to the doctors and...It was too late."

There was a knock at the door. He looked genuinly sad. The knocking getting louder. I kissed his cheek and got up, seeing who was at the front door. I felt my anger rise as Michelle stood in front of me. I glared at her as she walked in.

"Hi." She smiled. "You weren't at work. I thought I'd drop by to see what...." John walked over and passed us, going into the living room. She stayed quiet and watched.

"I lost the baby." I said flatly. Her eyes widened as she looked in shock. I looked down, feeling terrible. I knew I was being cruel. But it needed to be done.

"I'm going upstairs. I need to have some alone time."

I turned on my heel and made my way to his bedroom. It wasn't long until I heard them talking. I rolled my eyes and made my way to the phone, grabbing my notebook. I dialed and waited for an answer. 

"Hello?"

I wiped the tears away. "Andrew? It's Lucy. Look I don't have much time right now but...tell me about that job offer huh?"

I looked into the mirror and moved my hand over the baby bump. Smiling to myself. Lucy Daniels is back.

....