Not A Second Time (John Lennon Fanfic)

Chapter 34.

I knew what I was doing was wrong. I was hurting John worser than what I have ever hurt him. I was denying him his own child. But he should have known better than to mess with me. I didnt want to have this baby because I knew something like this would happen. I knew he'd cheat. I knew he'd probably end up leaving me. But he managed to woo me into keeping it. I kept it because I thought he was a changed man. I thought I could trust him. But he had to prove me wrong. And it broke my heart.

..

June 1, 1967

I quit my job. I couldn't work in the same place as Michelle. Seeing her everyday was a constant reminder of what she was doing with my husband every fuckin time I wasn't home. She began to notice how distant I was around her. Hiding my pregnancy wasn't easy. I didnt even sleep with John anymore. Oral sex was the only option. I rarely let him see me naked. He knew I knew about the affiar. I know he did. But he took advantage of the fact I didnt say anything about it. So he kept on seeing Michelle.

Honestly I wouldnt have been so upset if he was just using her for sex or a one night stand. But he spent a lot of time with her. He took time to talk to her. To get to know her. It was only a matter of time until he....fell in love with her. The idea scared the hell outta me. I was just the new Cynthia.

I did still see Julian. The little guy knew my secret for christs sake. He promised me to he'd never tell a soul. I loved him. Michelle didnt get close to him though. I learned something about her from Paul. She didn't want children. Paul wanted children. She's the one that refused.

Andrew told me that I could have a job at the magazine company as soon as I could take a trip back to America. I agreed and was hoping to make a change as soon as the end of the month.

..

Today was the release of Sgt. Peppers. The new album. The guys went out to celebrate at some club as I stayed home taking care of Julian. I was in the kitchen on the phone as Julian watched tv.

"I know Andrew. Look I mailed you a sample and tell me what you think okay? It's been a year so, be honest with me alright?"

He chuckled. "Alright Daniels. I'm sure you haven't lost your touch. Look it's pretty late here. I gotta meeting in the morning. I'll call tomorrow yeah?"

I smiled. "I'll be looking forward to it. Bye Andrew. I love you." I said.

"I love you too Luce. Goodnight." He hung up.

I smiled to myself and walked into the living room to see Julian full of icing. I ran over to him and picked him up.

"Julian you silly boy. Come on, let me take you a bath." I smiled.

I filled the tub, stripped him down and set him in the water. I grabbed the shampoo and washed his hair. He splashed around.

"Mumy?"

"Yes baby?"

"Are you and daddy not getting along?"

I stopped and looked down at him. He looked sad and full of innocence. I gave him a small smile

"Me and your daddy are...having a little break right now."

"When will that break be over?"

I sighed. "I dunno yet. I love your daddy okay? Don't forget that."

He nodded and leaned up, kissing my cheek. "Mumy why can't we tell daddy about my brother?"

I grabbed the washcloth and washed his body.

"Because baby. Just promise me you won't tell him okay? You only talk to mum about the baby."

He giggled. "What about uncle Paulie??"