The Fifteenth Year

Epilogue: Part 3

Tuesday, October 27, 2015 (continued)

Dear Friend,

By March 2009, my emotions were matching the weather in Baltimore. It's like the end of winter knew what was coming - that an end of an era in my life was upon me too. I hate that I have to write this part, but it's what happened next and I have to be honest. What should've been a happy occasion went terribly.

Things hadn't been going well for me and Jason for the past few months. We weren't speaking much and when we did we just seemed to argue. I know it was only because we missed each other and weren't getting the time our relationship needed, but I almost never wanted to talk to him because it saved stress from creeping in. I know it made me horrible, but the truth is, I was immature. I was nineteen years old and I didn't know how to fix it.

It was cold, rainy, windy, muddy and altogether disgusting outside on campus. We never had weather this crappy in California. Out east got to be freezing and miserable. I was in the beginning stages of a cold and making tea in the makeshift kitchen in the hall of our dorm floor when my roommate Laura came over to me.

"Your boyfriend's here," she said, without emotion.

I frowned. "What are you talking about? My boyfriend's in San Diego."

She shrugged. "He says he's your boyfriend and he's in our room."

To my shock, she was right. Jason was in fact in our dorm room waiting for me. I was beginning to sweat, not knowing what to make of this visit (or that could've been a result of my impending cold).

"Jason..." I said, surprise dripping from my voice. I stood frozen. "What are you doing here?"

He came over to me. "Aren't you happy to see me?" He was smiling.

"Of course," I said at last. "I'm sorry." Then I hugged him. It felt awkward and weird. I didn't even know what I was feeling. But it didn't feel like how it was supposed to feel.

"Should we go talk outside?" I asked. "Laura's weird about having boys in our room."

"You've had boys in your room?" he asked.

"No," I said, brushing hair out of my eyes. "How many times do I have to tell you there isn't anyone else?" Then I closed my eyes. "I'm sorry. Look, let's head to the lounge downstairs. People are getting ready to go to a themed party at one of the other dorms, so no one will be there." I led him to another floor where we sat on some armchairs by a huge windowpane overlooking the campus.

"It's beautiful here," he said finally after a few minutes of awkward silence.

I held my tea mug between two cold hands and chuckled. "It's prettier when it's not raining."

"You look great," he said. "College life suits you. You seem to be fitting in well here. It's interesting to be here and see that for myself. Are you happy?"

I nodded. "I am. I really love it here, Jason. The professors are amazing, the courses are excellent, and I'm in the top percentile in my class."

He smiled, albeit somewhat sadly. "That doesn't surprise me."

"How's State?" I asked.

He nodded. "Good. Football's good. School's good. California is still in one piece without you." I smiled and lifted the mug to my lips just as he said, "Except I'm not."

I froze and looked at him, then slowly lowered the mug back into my lap. "I'm not sure how to respond to that," I said.

"What do we do, Cassie? This seeing each other every few months...barely getting words in here and there between our families...it's not enough. You're almost three thousand miles away. What am I supposed to do with that?"