The Fifteenth Year

May: Part 2

Tuesday, May 3, 2005

Dear Friend,

So what I said about enjoying prom the right way? My friends are all inquiring at lunch about what the 'right' way means.

"Did you guys have the sex talk?" Renee asked, opening her lunch nonchalantly.

My neck flushed and I looked around to make sure nobody overheard. "No, Renee," I said bitingly. "I mean...we've talked about it before. Briefly. But not in the context of us doing it and prom."

Tessa seemed surprised. "At all?"

I shook my head. "No. It hasn't come up."

All of my friends sort of looked at each other then resumed eating.

"What? Is that bad? It's not bad! He's respecting me!" I felt myself crumble under fear. "You don't think it's because he's not attracted to me, do you? Because I'm little sister Koala?!"

Tessa rolled her eyes and set down her juice box. "Sweetie, nobody's saying that."

"It just seems a little weird," Chloe added. "Prom raises expectations. And even though we don't think Jason is that kind of guy to pressure you, the fact that it hasn't even come up seems careless."

"So you guys think I should bring it up?" I clarified.

Renee nodded. "Absolutely. If you haven't talked about it, you'll never know where each other stands and it saves both of you the embarrassment of later. Do you want to?"

I wrung my hands. "Yes and no. Yes, eventually. I love him. But...now? I'm fifteen. And it seems fast. And... I'm scared. Not ready. And prom is such a cliché, you know?"

"You're almost sixteen," Tessa reminded me.

"I am no - ...oh crap, I am," I remembered. "Where did this year go?"

"And you're about to drive," Chloe added.

"You guys are serious. You think I should cash in my chip at the prom."

"Nobody is saying that," Tessa said again. "We would just get it if you did. It makes sense. Jason adores you. He's protective of you. He'd be good to you afterwards. You've known each other forever."

"All the more reason to not rush into it," I said. "I'm not ready to deal with the consequences and responsibilities of sex - and don't you dare tell me I sound like a health class 'abstinence comes first' video."

"Responsibilities? Well, that's pretty easy," Renee said with a grin as she seductively unpeeled a banana.

"Oh. My. God. Stop," I said, looking away from her in disgust.

Even Chloe giggled.

"I don't get you guys," I said in a growl. "You're all in the virgin club, and I don't give you grief over it. We're doing a good thing by waiting till we're older. We're only freshmen, for God's sake. Why do I get the third degree?"

"It's just we're not really sure why you're waiting," Renee said. "And we're surprised. It shouldn't come as any surprise why we're waiting. We're not the one with a serious boyfriend."

"It's 2005. You don't have to be exclusive to find a penis."

"True," Tessa said giggling when she saw Chloe squirm at the word 'penis.'

"So I told you why I'm waiting. I'm not ready, it's a dumb tradition to go all the way at prom, and Jason and I want to be really sure we're doing the right thing. I will even talk to him and prove it to you," I said assuredly. "Now why are you guys not getting boyfriends and doing it?"

Renee rolled her eyes. "That's easy. I'm picky and high school boys are stupid, Tessa is the result of a high school pregnancy, and Chloe's...Chloe. The day she actually gets up the nerve to flirt with a guy, I'll laugh my ass off."

Chloe nodded with wide eyes. "It's true."

I smirked. Were they right? Was it completely inexcusable that I haven't had this discussion with Jason? What if I bring it up and he hasn't even given this any thought? I'll be so embarrassed. But it's probably best for my relationship. It's just not an easy conversation to have.

Wednesday, May 4, 2005

Dear Friend,

I didn't have a good chance to talk to Jason yesterday. We had some studying to do and he was busy buying dress shoes and following up with the corsage. And he didn't give me a ride home today - my mom picked me up to make a shoes and makeup run as well. She wanted to help me look perfect. So I called him after dinner to see if he had a chance to talk, and his mom answered the phone.

"Hey, Monique," I said, trying to sound like I didn't have a lump the size of Texas in my throat. "May I speak to Jason?"

"Sure, dear, but he's gone to his room for a nap. He had a headache earlier."

"Oh. Well then, don't bother him. Let him rest."

"You're fine with speaking to him tomorrow?"

"Of course," I lied.

Perfect. We're having this conversation exactly two days before prom. How terrible would that be if this blows up in my face? We'd have no time to mend the situation before the prom is actually upon us. Would this conversation actually go so badly that I'd miss Jason's junior prom?