The Fifteenth Year

October: Part 5

Monday, October 18, 2004

Dear Friend,

Mom went and bought some things at the store and I stayed home after school and watched Jeremy for a couple of hours. The pool is closed for the winter, but I try to think about what wonders will happen this winter. I mean, it's California, so snow is out of the question. A few winters ago my family went on a trip to Salt Lake City. I went sledding and my butt was sore after hitting so many bumps, Jeremy and I made snow forts, and Brendan and I tried to master the art of making hot chocolate a few times. 

Tuesday, October 19, 2004

Dear Friend,

This afternoon after school, Jason called me and asked if I wanted to get a little something to eat with him. We stopped in the food court at the mall. It wasn't much, but at least he forgave me and was happy enough to do this.

"How's school going?" he asked me.

I rolled my eyes. "Tedious, but you know...grades are holding up. You?"

He groaned. "I'm taking calculus. It's awful. Wait until you're a junior, Koala. Advanced math is awful."

I smirked.

"Oh, right. I forgot. You're like this big shot prodigy. How'd you get to be so smart anyway?" he laughed.

"Ah, come on. I'm not that smart," I said modestly.

He snorted. "Whatever you say, 4.0."

"Look. I read a lot. I study. It's boring. It's stressful. I do it because - "

"I know. I know. Hopkins is the dream. Let me ask you something. Is that really your dream...or your dad's?"

"It's a great school, Jason."

"That's not what I asked you." His voice lowered and impulsively he reached across the little round table and stroked the surface of the back of my hand with his thumb and looked me right in the eyes. My heart started pounding. "Did you ever really want to go to Johns Hopkins University?"

I didn't have to think long. "My dad isn't forcing it on me, Jason. It is a wonderful school. If I had the grades...if they accepted me...I would love to have the opportunity to go to Hopkins. Creative writing school would be like...a dream come true."

He pulled his hand away (much to my chagrin). "It's far."

It's true. Johns Hopkins University is in Baltimore. Maryland was clear across the country from where we live (suburbia just outside Sacramento). 2,700 miles to be exact. Yes, I did the math. The thought of being that far away from Jason is certainly not an easy pill to swallow.

"You'll come visit me, right?" I asked, hopeful.

He smiled. "Of course." Then he frowned. "It's not like I won't have the free time."

I rolled my eyes. "Jason, you're going to get into college. Stop."

"With my grades? Please. A football scholarship is my only prayer. Universities in Cali don't generally go for C averages."

"Who says you have to stay west? Go to school wherever you want."

"We grew up in California, Cassie. We were born here. This is all we know. Doesn't going out east scare you a little bit?"

"Of course, but think of all the exploring. The new world. Placing our stamp somewhere else. Besides, when you graduate college, you need a job and you'll accept an offer anywhere. And you need to be prepared for it being any place in America."

He chuckled. "That's certainly true with the NFL."

Ah, yes. Jason's dream.

"Well, you'll just have to make sure you become a Raven then, won't you?"

He laughed heartily. "That's really reaching. Think I should call them and have them write me down as a draft pick?"

"I'd recommend it, yeah," I said. "Call them up and be like, listen here, you - Jason Conners is a name you're going to want to remember."

Were we flirting right now? This was crazy. We always joked around, but something felt different this time.

His eyes twinkled and he smiled wryly. "You really believe in me that much?"

"I've seen you run a forty-yard dash in fifteen seconds when you were eleven years old, Jason. You were always cut out for this."

And for a second he looked at me in a way I don't think he ever had before. Wait...I'd seen this look once. Years ago. Pre-Lydia. Pre-high school. I yearned for this look. It'd been so long. What did it mean? How I ache for him...