The Fifteenth Year

July: Part 1

  Dream. You have permission to dream. And besides, if you don't have a dream, how can you have a dream come true? - Stasi Eldredge

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Friday, July 23, 2004

Dear Friend,

My name is Cassidy Wallace and I'm writing because this might be the last chance I can keep a diary before I'm deemed too old or ridiculous. While we're on the subject of age, my birthday is next week. There's nothing that I really want except for a pair of high-top Chuck Taylors. I have really small feet so it took me too years to outgrow my other sneakers. Sigh. Shoes, Cassie? Really? Isn't my life so interesting?

About an hour ago, I was sitting on the couch reading and Mom came up to me holding a basket of laundry. She asked if I was going to the Lakota Carnival tomorrow. It's exactly what you'd picture: fair games, rides, booths, barbeque, the works. And it's held at that big field behind the high school every year. It's a town tradition that ends with fireworks.

"Nah," I said. "It's the same every year."

"Really? Because the Conners' are going to be there and we haven't spent any time with them in a while."

"All of them?"

"Yes. Greg, Monique, Tracy, and Jason."

I had to hold back squealing. Jason Conners is the guy that's had my heart since the day he moved into the house next door to my family back in 1997. My nine-year-old heart harbored this crush ever since. And no one knows.

Jason and his sister Tracy's parents became best friends with my parents (naturally, as we're in such close proximity), so our families spent a lot of important events and milestones together over the years. We even went on vacation with them once. So Jason was there for some of the most important parts of my life...but not as the person I wanted him to be. He (along with all the rest of the male species) has never been my boyfriend.

Jason and I were close friends until he started high school two years ago. He became star running-back for the Lakota High football team. Since then, I hardly saw him. After school he was either at practice, parties, or chilling with the guys.

Now I'll be back in his orbit. Summer will end and I'll be walking the same halls as him. Maybe we'd even hang out like old times. I'm going to be a freshman. And tomorrow night I'll see him for the first time in over a month. Here's my chance to be back on his radar again. 

I know what you're thinking. A gorgeous, junior jock finally noticing a lowly nobody freshman is out of the cards. And I suppose you're right. However, the odds might be stacked in my favor given the history. I've known him almost half my life. And besides, he's not the only reason I'm going. I'll get to say hi to Tracy.

When I looked up to answer my mom, she was gone. I snuggled in the couch with my book in my hand, the print not registering in my brain. I was picturing Jason's dark brown hair and steel blue eyes. Good Lord, he's so cute. And tomorrow afternoon, I'd get to see for myself his tight t-shirt outlining his shoulder muscles and biceps...and of course, he'd no doubt have a sun-glistened tan from all his conditioning, and maybe that sweet smirk he has. When you watch a guy like I've watched Jason for as long as I have, you notice things like that.

"Please God..." I whispered quietly, biting my lower lip.

"Please God, what?" a voice asked from behind me.

I bolted around to find my ten year old brother Jeremy peering down at me from the back of the couch.

"Go away," I told him. "I'm reading."

"Please God, what?" he pressed again.

"I was talking to myself. Now, go!"

He shrugged, and then ran to the kitchen to get a snack while I returned to daydreaming. I wonder how tomorrow will turn out...