no longer lost pt.2

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My petticoats swirl around my legs as I pace beneath our tree. I unconsciously chew my nails down to raw nubs as my thoughts and heart race. Jack's footsteps pound against the dew covered grass as he races to finally catch up with me.

"Marry me." He manages between heavy breaths. "Today."

I pause in my pacing. My eyes instinctively search his for any hesitation or doubt. "I thought you wanted a real wedding?" I question. After all, we only got engaged this afternoon.

He steps forwards and cups my cheek in his hand. "I don't care about a wedding. All I want is the same thing as before-- to spend my life with you."

"Then let me convince him to let me come with you." I argue in dismay. "Marry me and let me come with you." My fingers cover his as I fight back tears. "Don't put me through watching you to leave. Please, don't let me lose you too. Because we both know that if you go--there's no coming back--not from Z."

Tears build in his brown eyes as he rests his forehead against mind. "You know he'll never listen. He believes it's no journey for a woman. Not to mention, the crew would likely see you as a frivolous addition or burden to worry about. But you know I would take you if I could."

A devious, deceitful idea enters my mind, and I press my lips to his for a long moment. "Then I won't go as a woman." I retort and hush him before he can interrupt. "I'll go as my brother."

"You don't have a brother." Jack whispers, clearly confused.

"Neither the crew nor your father doesn't know that." My voice is soft and pleading as I hold onto his wrists. "He may not know it, but you need me to make it to Z. So let me speak to him, and no matter what let me join you."

Jack shakes his head, and the corners of his lips twitch upward into a smile. "There's no stopping you is there?"

I let out a small laugh. "No, there's not, but what are you going to do about it?"

"I'm going to marry you. Right now." He tells me with a growing grin. A laugh escapes my lips as he pulls me along through the field and toward the preacher's house. It's normally a ten minute walk, but at our current run, we'll probably reach it fairly soon.

The poor man is half asleep as he opens up his door. "Can I help you, Mr. Fawcett, Miss L/N?" His looks between us two, clearly trying to figure out why we're knocking on his door at such a late hour.

"We'd like for you to marry us." Jack tells him with a beaming smile, and my heart swells at the words. "We know it's late and unexpected, but we don't to wait. Not another moment longer."

...

One Week before Departure

"Are you still sure about this?" Jack questions as he watches me from the bed. I glance at him through the mirror and try my best to hide the wave of uncertainty that washes through me from the weight of the scissors in my hand. "You don't have to do this."

"And what else am I to do?" I question in slight anger. "Am I supposed to sit back and worry? To wait patiently for a husband that I know may never return? To know that with every passing day I could be by your side instead of alone and terrified?" The determination settles into my bones as I pull down a strand of hair. "No, I'm absolutely sure about this."

My hands shake ever so slightly as I raise the scissors and cut. The long lock of hair falls drifts into my lap. It's the first step, and it means there's no turning back now. Yet, I have to keep cutting to fight back the emotions and tears.

With every snip, I recall another piece of my life that falls away with it.

Snip. The Fawcett family, who have taken me in as their own.

Snip. Moira, my mentor and the woman who allowed me to discover a whole new life.

Snip. Another friend abandoned.

Snip. Another luxury lost.

Snip. One step closer to home.

I barely notice the tears streaming down my face or the tremor of my hands until Jack's fingers gently grasp my wrist. He watches me with the same look of respect and love he has for so long, but this time, there's a glaze of bitter understanding. We both know what we're agreeing to leave behind, to risk never returning to, and the pain that echoes in both of our chests.

He sets the shears aside and rests a calloused palm on my cheek. I instinctively lean into the touch and rest my hand atop his own. "Have I told you how much I love you, Mrs. Fawcett?" Jack whispers softly as he swipes the tears away with his thumb, a soft smile across his features at the ability to call me his wife. "You are the bravest, most exceptional woman I have ever known. You leave me in awe every day, and I don't think I could truly do this without you."

"Which is why you won't have to." I tell him and brush away the few tears that escape his eyes. "Not truly."

He nods and presses a kiss to my lips. "I think that may be the most difficult part of this--having to pretend it's not you."

It's the main concern both of us had. The slightest hint that I am truly a woman on an exploration to the Amazon could ruin everything. Most of the crew is wary enough as is--and rightly so. There's many dangers in the jungle, and if they were to believe they had a woman to fret over too, it could be disastrous.

Not to mention, Jack and I must be utterly unattached. He must pretend to think of me as nothing more than an estranged brother to his new wife. While I, on the other hand, must embody an entirely different person.

Still, it will be worth it. I will return to the place I knew as home through most of my life, and I will be able to know Jack is safe, to be by his side, and to help him and his father find the 'fabled' city that has caused so much obsession for them.

I watch Jack as he carefully and dutifully cuts my hair down. It's a strange transformation, but the simple act creates someone entirely different. With the rest of the preparations, there's almost no way anyone beside Jack would recognize me.

It's a strange feeling to become someone entirely beyond yourself, but it will be worth every ounce of effort in the end. "Well, darling, I have to say you look quite dashing as your fictional brother." Jack teases with a smirk.

A laugh escapes my lips as I roll my eyes and stand up to be at eye level with him. "Good to know. Hopefully you don't mind kissing me while I look like this. Because, we only have so much time together before we lose our chance." I tell him as I lay my palms against his chest. "We have to make the most of it."

"I don't care what you look like, Y/N. All I care about is that it's you." He retorts and kisses me with every ounce of love and emotion he can muster.

"I love you, Jack Fawcett, terrible romantic lines and all." His chuckle vibrates through me, and I relish the feeling of being wrapped in the arms of my love before everything will change.

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