A ROAD TO YOUR HEART

MAYBE YOU SHOULD PRAY.

Nene POV:

"The grace of the lord Jesus Christ
The love of God
And the sweet fellowship of the holy spirit
Be with us now and forever more.
Amen.

Surely
His goodness and mercy, shall follow us all the fays of our lives.
And we shall dwell in the house of forever and ever Amen."

The whole congregation said together, with love and compassion.

But I didn't say anything... I couldn't say anything. I am scared that a sinner like me will never find redemption and somehow whatever I say wouldn't mean anything.

"Thank you?." Nonso said as he held my hands and gave it a little squeeze before he stood up and walked towards the alter and for the first time I saw someone other than my father; kneel in front of the alter.

Crying out his heart for forgiveness.

"Miss?." Someone called out and I looked up and met eyes with an old man, who dressed up like a priest. "Good afternoon sir." I said while I shifted for him, he sat beside me with the holy bible in his hands.

"What is troubling you, young lady." He asked worriedly

"Nothing." I lied with a long smile across my face. "Am here for a friend." I replied, still wearing that smile like a professional.

"But your heart is crying for help." He said, staring at me like his long lost daughter. "It must be a mistake, it is probably my friend who is crying at the alter." I said but he shook his head in disapproval and He smiled happily after that. "The Lord never make a mistake. It is you who need the lord." He said.

"Tell me, how are you feeling?." He asked still with that old weary smile.

"Really bad." I said, choking on my words. "Why are you sad?." He asked and I broke. I broke down and I cried.

"I am sad about everything... I am sad am breathing. I am sad I am fucking alive." I confessed.

"Why?." He asked and all I could do was smile, cause I had no reason... I was speechless.

So i stared at the alter and I saw him... The man on the cross. The man who allegedly died for my sins. "Cause I feel empty. I feel alone and I feel like dying."

"You aren't alone... You have the Lord, you have the church and you have this bible." He replied and I stared at the bible he offered me...

"I don't want that." I said scared to touch it. He smiled and held my hands and folded the bible into my hands. "You feel empty cause you have placed your happiness upon things that has an end. But this doesn't end... The lord never stop existing."

"But am scared..." I paused trying to get my together "I am scared that he won't take me back?." I said as tears stained my cheeks.

"Why do you think so?." He asked me.

"Cause I am a sinner and I have done a lot of things that can't be forgiven."

"Let me tell you, what ever you have done can be forgiven; if you ask for forgiveness." He said, always with that cheerful smile. I was jealous of that smile... I wished I could smile like that.

I wish I didn't have to fake about anything.

"Thank you..." I said, before I coughed out and let the last tears fall down from my eyes.

****

"The stars are really beautiful tonight." He whispered into my ears while he wrapped his arms around my waist. We stood at the edge of the bridge staring into the cold still dark water, that sparkled under the moonlight.

"Yea... They are amazingly beautiful. " I said under my breath. "Why were you crying in church?." He asked me.

"Nothing." I lied.

"Come on... I think we should be more open to each other now. After all I won't judge you; just like you didn't judge me."
His cold breath sent chills into my soul.

"I feel sad Nonso, that is all I feel
" I replied, "don't worry I am here; to light up your world." He said and somehow I believed him. I turned around to have a better look at the man, who promised to light up my world.

"How do you plan on doing so, when you aren't happy?." I asked, while he stared into my soul... It was like as if I was exposed and he was reading me like a book.

"I am a only a crack in this castle of glass." He said with this bad boy smirk. If that is even a thing.

"What does that even mean?." I asked him, with a long smile across my face...
A smile I didn't have to fake or force.

"I am not broken... I am just learning and I feel relieved now that I went to church. I feel more determined to make it; you know disappoint my brother. I haven't given up yet so I still have hope." He said with a long smile.

"But you said you felt like committing suicide."

"Yes... I have prayed and feel better. Maybe you should try it sometime."

I was speechless for that brief second and I realized a lot of things that I haven't been doing.

So I smiled and nodded my head.

I promised myself that I wouldn't give up on me.

I have to try harder and pray more.