Imperfect

T W O - A B I G A L E R U S S E L L

My lazy eyes opened; they were still a little woozy a bit, or maybe a lot.

But, the first thing that I saw was a light; quite a perfection, but it was also imperfect.

Lawrence stared at me with his dreamy, ocean colored eyes. He was the only thing that was on my mind; well, that was until I saw and heard all of the commotion outside the area that I was in, footsteps and chatters of different random people.

I came to realize that I was in a white room, in a bed that would be for sick people or people who were expecting.

I knew that I was expecting, but there wasn't any need for a doctor's visit yet and I knew that I wasn't sick.

"What am I doing here, Lawrence?" I asked him.

"Be calm when I tell you this." He told me slowly.

"What the hell am I doing here, Lawrence," I asked him slowly building a fuse inside of me, "what the hell am I doing here!?"

"You miscarried babe," Lawrence tried to explain to me softly, "we lost the baby."

"We-we lost the baby," I questioned him, not believing it, "I-I lost the baby? The baby? How did I lose the baby?"

"Please be calm baby," my fiancé tried cooling me down, "everything is going to be fine."

Everything WAS NOT going to be fine. How could he be so calm during this, how isn't he upset, how isn't he getting upset like me? Did he want this baby? Did he love my baby? Why isn't he crying, why isn't he showing any emotion, why is he not understanding how I am upset and angry right now? It seems more that I lost a child more than WE...

His "cooling me down" didn't work at all, NOT ONE BIT.

"After I'm out," I explained to Lawrence with anger, "let's go home."

"What do you mean go home?"

I blew my breath trying to be calm, but I couldn't.

  "What do I mean," I said pissed off, "I DO NOT want to go back to that bitch's house!"

"Don't call my mother a bitch..." Lawrence said to me angrily, getting very upset with me.

I responded to Lawrence with no feelings, no emotions, or not even caring about all of the disrespectful words that I said about his parents, "She's a bitch and her husband's a bitch as well."

"So I'm a 'bitch' too?" He questioned me.

That really triggered him; it triggered him into asking that question.

I called his parents a "bitch" and now he thinks that he is a "bitch" as well... I didn't want him to feel like that; I didn't want him to feel less about himself just like the way how I felt about myself.

"No, you will never be a bitch. But, you must pick between them bitches or the woman that you really care about."

Lawrence stood quiet for a very long time, about two to four minutes; he had me impatiently waiting for his answer.

"Are you going to answer me, Lawrence?" I asked him irascibly.

"I love you Abigale," Lawrence responded to me, "I really do, but I will never leave my parents' side just because they have some type of hatred towards you. You didn't leave your family because of YOUR cousin's doings, so why should I leave MY parents for their doings?"

I was heartbroken, absolutely heartbroken to hear those things come from the man that I truly loved, the man that I thought that I truly loved...

I was literally livid; I couldn't even look at Lawrence anymore.

One look at my fiancé would make me puke. I was sick to my stomach after that. I had no affection or attraction to this revolting man, not any longer...

"Get out," I said deafeningly, "get out and never come back!"

"Your true colors are finally showing," Lawrence said to me backing up to the door, "if those are your true colors then we don't belong together. I wasted four, long years for a piece of trash like you."

I was trash to him now. He sounded just like his parents... I exposed my true colors? I didn't say one bad word about him; he exposed HIS true colors and that really broke my heart.

  To think someone that I truly loved, who I thought would've uplifted me is completely bringing me down...

I grabbed the food tray from the left side of the emergency room bed and tried to throw it at him; it was a failure.

  He was already out of the room. The tray hit against the closed door with the food going everywhere, painting the door and the white floor with its concoctions.

Although I was the only one in the room, "Get out you bastard," I screamed while crying my dizzy eyes out, "I've never liked you. I loved you..."

It was very hurtful to see that man, who I thought would be my husband, leave me like that. He left me and called me trash, something that I thought he would have never called me.

My heart began to fail drastically. I was starting to get stressed out. I came to Alabama with him to visit his "bitch" of a family and now I'm leaving alone.

The last thing that I could remember of Lawrence is looking afar at his blue eyes filled with blue, fire-y anger.

Eyes that resembled the ocean now resembled flames of fire.

All the memories of my body drowning in the pool faded away as the man that I truly loved was gone from my life.

That probably was the point... God was probably doing this for me. God probably wanted me to forget about the past, so he took Lawrence out of my life in an unexpected way.

Lawrence's eyes reminded me of the times that I could've drowned in the pool when I was a little girl.

Maybe God wanted me to forget those horrible times in my life. And I can't forget them if I'm still with Lawrence. His eyes brought back all of the pain that I endured as a child.

It's not easy to forget love. Arguments like this never happened before, so we probably were officially over.

It definitely WAS over because it was family related and none of our arguments was EVER been family related before.

I hate him and I love him. I want to get him out of my head, but I can't.

It seemed like he's easily forgetting me. How could he easily forget someone that he's loved for four years? Four freaking years is too long to forget someone!

I'm trying my hardest to forget him, but it is very hard, too hard.

I hope this love fades away, I really do. But how could this love fade away when I still love him?