Imperfect

O N E - A B I G A L E R U S S E L L

I didn't know what to say to him, I was speechless. I was lying in bed like a dead corpse next to my fiancé.

Lawrence was in bed as well, but he wasn't sleep. He tried talking to me, but I stayed silent, not responding to him.

"What is it? You've been upset ever since we were talking about your older sister?" He tried to cheer me up.

Only, only if he knew what was really going on in my mind. I don't feel sad or have any remorse of missing my sister, I hate her.

  I don't dislike Kelsie, I hate her guts.

  What kind of daughter is going to mistreat her parents just because they felt something wasn't right with her partner?

"Babe," my fiancé tried speaking to me again, "please speak to me."

  I said nothing to Lawrence; I didn't even look his way.

My mother did the right thing; she left out of the room not speaking a word on it, because she knew how I felt about the situation.

For my dad, I'm upset with him right now.

  I don't hate him, I'm just mad at him for bringing it up and telling my fiancé about the situation.

And to add on, Lawrence is just making it worse by begging me to explain it and express my feelings about the situation.

Not wanting to talk to or hear my fiancé's annoying sayings, I shifted around, facing the wall, trying to fall asleep.

"Listen to me babe," Lawrence went on trying to explain to me, getting a quarter out of the dresser beside him, "you see this coin?"

I didn't turn around or look at him, but I could hear him flipping the coin on the palm of his hand.

"Look babe," he went on to explain, "the time of a flip of a coin could be the time of a single life. Don't go to bed angry, I beg you."

Not wanting to hear him, I shut my eyes tightly.

  I tried way too hard to go to sleep, but it failed drastically. I could feel his presence and his shadow looking at my face. My eyes were still shut closed.

Guessing that he saw my eyes closed, Lawrence just stopped trying to beg me.

Weirdly and honestly, I wanted him to continue to beg me, but I didn't know why.

  Although I was mad and didn't want to listen to him nag on, Lawrence was right. He was always right. But, being right sometimes can be very annoying.

My gut was telling me to speak to him, but my head was telling me not to. What a stubborn mind I have.

Like always, he was speaking the truth to me.

  He was telling me not to go to bed angry, because tonight might be my last.

My fiancé always speak wisdom, but sometimes I didn't want to hear that wisdom.

  That's one imperfect thing about me, not wanting to listen to the truth.