The Tapes; A 13 Reasons Why Fanfiction

Tape 6 Side B

Y/n's POV

I've told you about two of the worst decisions I ever made, and the damage left behind. And the people who got hurt. There is one more story to tell. One more bad decision, and this one's all on me. No, it wasn't the decision to go to the party, because how could I have known? But it was the same night. That same awful night. Remember that story I was saving for later? Well, this is it, and it's all about you, Clay Jensen.  

Clay, I know you're asking yourself why you're on these tapes. What could you possibly have done? What else could have happened on the night of Jessica's party? Part of me was saying, 'Ask me again.' But part of me was saying, 'Don't go, not even for Clay.' I should have listened to that part of me. See, I never told you Clay, but I've always admired you. You are who you are, and you don't care, and I always cared what other people thought of me, as much as I acted like I didn't. Is that a boy/girl thing or a Clay/Hannah thing? I bet you also wish you'd never gone to Jessica's. Right, Clay?

* Zach, Monty, and I had agreed to help Jess set up for the party, so we had gotten there at around 6:30. At 6:55, the doorbell rang, which was odd. If a party was supposedly starting at 7, that really meant it wasn't starting until 9. I don't know why that was the rule, but I guess it's a high school thing. Jess went to answer the door, and she came back seconds later with Clay Jensen following behind her.

"Every guy is like, let's get a keg, and when it's time to tap it..." Jess trailed off. 

"I told you it was the wrong kind of tap," Zach exclaimed. 

"I've got this!" Monty assured her. "Everybody settle down." 

"I don't know how to tap a keg," Clay confessed. 

Jess laughed. "Relax. You can do snacks with Y/n." 

"So," I start as Clay and I entered the dining room to set up. "Clay Jensen at an actual high school party. That's new."

"I was at Hannah's party before sophomore year," Clay brought up.

"Yeah, but you liked Hannah. You can't stand half of the other kids at Liberty High," I point out as I laid the bowls down on the table.

"I never said that," Clay disagreed.

"You don't have to say it. I see it on your face every time you walk through the halls," I tell him.

"What about you, Y/n? Can you actually stand half of the people you hang around?" Clay asked.

I smiled and pat Clay's shoulder. "I haven't had enough alcohol to tell you that. In fact, I haven't had any alcohol yet, and I'm hoping to keep it that way."

"You're so different than them," Clay noticed. "Bryce and Justin and all of them, I mean. You hardly drink, you definitely don't smoke, and you prioritize your grades over anything else. I guess I'm just wondering...."

"Why I'm friends with them?" I finish for him. "Sometimes I ask myself that same question, Clay. And honestly, I don't have an answer for you."

"But-"

I cut Clay off. "No more questions, Jensen. Shit. We don't have enough bowls. I'm gonna go grab some more. You can go ahead and start filling these ones up. I'll be right back." *

I'd talked to you a million times before, but tonight was different and I didn't know what to say to you. But when you finally came up to me, you knew just how to break the ice. I was so nervous that night, but you made it seem so easy.

So, let's start with the part of the party that I left out. At that moment, everything was perfect, and for the first time in a long time, I could imagine a future where I was happy. How good life could be. And I know you felt it too. I wanted you to do everything you were doing, so I don't know why my mind took me everywhere else, and I thought of every other guy, and they all became you.