The Tapes; A 13 Reasons Why Fanfiction

Tape 4 Side A

Y/n's POV

You're going to tell me that this one's no big deal, but let me tell you about being lonely. We rely on connections to survive. Even the most basic social interactions help keep us alive. Statistics prove the subjective feeling of loneliness can increase the likelihood of premature death by 26%. If it sounds like I'm quoting from a school textbook, I am. Too bad nobody bothered to read it. And let me tell you, there's all kinds of ways to feel lonely.

I'm not talking the garden variety, 'lonely in a crowd' lonely. That's everyone, every day. And it's not that 'When will I find love?' kind of lonely. Or that 'The popular kids are mean to me' kind of lonely. The popular kids are always mean. That's how they get popular. I know - ironic. Old news. The kind of lonely I'm talking about is when you feel like you've got nothing left. Nothing, and no one. Like you're drowning, and no one will throw you a line. Well, when the subject of this tape worked his sneaky magic, that's how I was feeling. And when you're that kind of lonely, you reach for anything - no matter how silly it might seem.

"Anybody want to let me copy their history notes?" Justin quizzed as a few of us were standing around in the hallway. When no one answered, I looked up, and my eyes just so happened to meet Justin's, which were staring at me.

"What?" I ask.

"Your history notes," Justin repeated. "Can I please borrow them?"

"You've got like five other people around you right now," I point out. "So don't act like I'm your last option. Why are you asking me?"

"Because your notes are helpful, and they're organized. Please, Y/n," Justin begged.

I sighed. "Fine, but I don't have them on me. We'll have to go to my locker." Just then, I spotted Clay walking down the hallway with his headphones on, so I knew he was listening to the tapes. Which one he was on though, I didn't know. "Come on, Justin. We've only got a few minutes before first period."

"See you in a bit," Zach said and leaned down to press a quick kiss to my lips.

Communications Class could be supremely silly, as you know. Sometimes the silly things can mean more than anyone knows. We all need it, human contact. Communications Class, crazy as it was, was human contact for me, until someone in that class cut my lifeline. Someone who was known for being sweet. I'll tell you who it is, but you'll have to wait. Just like I did. I'm going to play mind games with you, just like you played with me.

It happened after Valentine's Day, when you really feel that lack of human contact. Especially when you make contact with the wrong human. That's a whole new level of lonely. But, through it all, you still wanna believe there are good guys in the world. You were kind to me, and you were so sweet, just like Kat said once upon a time. Well, welcome to your tape, Zach.

For those of you who aren't Zach, you can relax. For now, at least. As for you, Zach, I wonder if you ever felt what it's like to be lonely like I did that day. Is it even possible to know when you're one of the most popular jocks and not one of those kids who sits alone in the cafeteria, hiding behind a book? Have you ever noticed us?

* "Start passing these out," Marcus instructed and dumped a boat load of pins onto the lunch table. All of them said "Marcus Cole For President", and Marcus' face was plastered dead center.

"I'll be right back," Zach muttered and got up from the table before walking over to Hannah Baker. She was sitting by herself, which wasn't a surprise. I didn't think she had many, if any, friends. I glanced up at them every few seconds, and it seemed like the conversation was going well. Until it wasn't.

"Leave me alone!" Hannah yelled at Zach, causing the whole cafeteria to look at them.

"The shit that goes on in your life....I think you bring most of it on yourself," Zach told her.