You make me ache

Ch39: Hints and Bed Sheets.

Troye's POV.

I lie flat against the mattress and with the soft sheets pulled over my head they caress my body attempting but failing to soothe my state of panic. My mind is pulsating with unwanted and confused thoughts and the possibility of any more or anyone finding me hurts my head.  I wish for the fluffy duvet to become a barrier that can keep the rest of the world away from me and leave me in isolation. I know I need time away from the world to assemble my thoughts into something that I can understand, currently I feel like they are coded and I am yet to learn how to decode them.

Inside my protective hideaway I am aware that the flat is eerily quiet. This unnatural silence allows my scrambled thoughts to scream louder and I wish that they would melt away and soak into the sheets. Instead, the sheets remain dry and my thoughts remain relentless. Mostly, I am desperate to talk to Tyler. I know that he is at Korey's apartment and I have managed to resist the urge to contact Korey, purely because I know it is unfair to put him that awkward position, but my will power has not stretched as far to resist texting Tyler. Unable to guess how many messages I have sent, or how many voicemails I have left him, I am hoping for just a single one in return, however I know he has switched his phone off and that my eager hopes are wasted ones. I have begged him to come home and talk to me, although in reality I have no idea what I want to say.

I keep my eyes closed and my phone clutched in my hand, as I take in deep breathes hoping to keep my threatening tears at bay and un-cloud my foggy head. Tyler's proposal had happened so fast. It had seemed that one minute were taking a blissful walk, our bodies and hearts both awash in a warm glow from our lazy and loved up day together and then the next minute someone had thrown a bucket of freezing ice over us. My glow had become frozen and I was no longer able to function, too shocked and too cold to respond. My reaction had been confusing and I dread to think what Tyler has taken from it. I know that he must not understand what has happened, and I know this purely because I am not sure what has happened. Nor do I know what I want to happen but I know that I currently have no response that pleases us both. Each scenario and answer that I imagine causes a cold sickness to wash my body. Knowing that Tyler is currently heartbroken and that I have no words to piece him back together, my bare chest remains clammy and my stomach continues to feel as if it is contorting into bizarre, inhuman shapes.

 Before I can try and comprehend mine and Tyler's future, my phone buzzes and my body jolts with both shock and nerves. Although I tell myself that it will not be Tyler who is ringing me, my stomach still sinks with disappointment when the caller ID confirms my self-warning and I am left still drowning in my worries. Reluctantly but confused to as why my British friend is calling me at this hour, I answer the call,

"Hey Zoe, is everything okay? It's got to be the middle of the night for you?"

"It's not too bad, it's a little gone five in the morning. Tyler called me"

"What? He did? When? Is he okay? What did he say?" I ask, not stopping to take a breath let alone give Zoe a chance to answer. As my questions die out, Zoe is finally able to speak but rather than answer me she suggests we Skype instead. Agreeing with her suggestion, we say goodbye and I force myself to emerge my sticky body from the sheets to find my laptop.

With my laptop positioned in front of me in bed, I give Zoe a lazy wave as she accepts my call and her face flashes onto my screen. Instantly she smiles at me, but her eyes widen and betray her shock at my appearance. Looking at the smaller image of myself at the bottom of the screen, I frown slightly - I look terrible after having spent the last couple of hours battling but often failing to hold back tears. My eyes are rimmed red and my chewed lips are swollen. However as I scan my ghostly skin, I realise the true reason for Zoe's shock. I had forgotten that my neck and chest are littered in a trail of Tyler's lustful marks. Muttering something incoherent to Zoe, I leave my laptop for a brief moment to find a t-shirt to cover up my bruised body. As I do so, the bitter sweet memory of Tyler's heated lips flitting across my skin creeps into my bustling thoughts and I cannot help but wonder how that had only been this morning. How had things changed so dramatically, so quickly?