You make me ache

Ch15: Apologies and Moonlight.

Tyler's POV.

Once the duvet is nestled securely under his chin, Troye finally speaks, breaking the tense silence between us,

"I don't want to fight anymore but I need to know the truth, is your job the only reason you won't come to Australia?"

I watch his lips as he forms these words and it takes me a moment to understand his question, how could he possibly think there could be any other reason. His thick lashes brush his cheeks as he closes his eyes nervously awaiting my answer.

 "No one and nothing else could keep me from going with you Troye" I whisper, my words slow to emphasise how much I mean each one. His eyes fly open momentarily looking anguished before he lets out a sudden and hopeless sob. My arms rush to pull him into my body and as my chest absorbs his breakdown I hush him gently, aching with desperation to soothe him.

"For a second..." he begins to say, before pausing to gulp back sobs "for a second I thought you were telling me there was another reason". His words cast a shadow over my heart as I realise that our fight has caused my beloved boyfriend to become so insecure.

"Troye, don't cry, please. You know how I feel about you Troye, it is only work that's stopping me from following you. I promise" I murmur gently, rocking his trembling body as his tears continue to flow. We lie wrapped together, me hushing him and drawing faint circles into his back as he cries his relief. Whilst holding him, my own relief floods my body as I begin to realise that Troye needs me, like I need him and my worries that he may leave me due to my inability to move away with him, start to dissolve.

It takes a few minutes, but Troye's tears begin to dry up and I feel a little easier in pressing the conversation to continue, knowing that we still have more to discuss. I begin by explaining my decision to stay in America,

"I wouldn't let us be separated if it wasn't necessary and you know as well as I do, that it is compulsorily for me to stay in LA. I have signed contracts, committing myself to projects that I wouldn't be able to continue if I moved. "

He sighs into me and accepts that he knows I am right. He explains his anger that has consumed him and transformed him into a stranger over the past day and I nod along, understanding his hurt.

"I know it's illogical to be angry, I even knew that when I stormed out on you last night. I know you can't leave. I just so desperately wish things were different" he says, still pressed against my body. I keep him clutched to me, wanting us to remain as close as possible.

"I wish they were too... More than anything" I whisper back at him as he inhales my skin. He starts to fidget, drawing his body back from mine so that we can once again see others faces. His blue eyes are brighter than ever after his violent tears; his cheeks rosy and lips chewed. I caress his cheek before rubbing his ear lobe between my finger and thumb.

"Why did you think there could be another reason babe?" I tentatively ask, slightly scared of what his answer may be. I had always thought Troye was secure in our relationship and the idea that I might treat him in a way that doesn't encourage this leaves me feeling nauseated.

"I don't know. I just panicked, I think of us being apart and I can't control my thoughts or my actions. It's like I'm consumed by something much more powerful than myself and all I can do is surrender to the anger, to the sadness and to the fear" he replies, his eyes not leaving mine for a second. His words tug at my heart, twisting it in unnatural and opposing directions and I momentarily fear that it may burst; the love I feel for him only growing with his vulnerability.

"What are we going to do Troye?" I say, feeling helpless with my failure to think of anything to enable keeping myself with my beautiful man. He gives me a weak smile, his hands resting on my chest as it rises and falls with my heavy sighs.