Book 1: Sweet Child O' Mine (Guns N' Roses Fanfiction)✔

28: State of Confusion

February, 1992…

I was at the corner of my bed, trying to fight the loneliness while listening to Metallica. Unfortunately, no matter how much I love music, I couldn't appreciate James Hetfield's voice, Kirk Hammet's great guitar skills, every details of the songs!

My life is as terrible as hell, I'm lonely and depressed after seeing at the news what I did  Stephanie Seymour last week, that would be known worldwide. Such a shame… such a fucking shame!

I'm totally alone, I used to love being alone before but not now that  my thoughts were flying violently in my mind.

Maria has finally gave birth to her first child and Sebastian would have to stay with her. I miss him, we never had problems towards one another but sometimes I feel like I was ruining his life. I mean, though he and Maria were separated, Sebastian was still the father of her child and instead of focusing on his family, he would have to think about me. He loves me and I know that but he just can't escape his upcoming responsibility as a parent.

Like I always do when I'm in this state, I let out a yell to burst out my feelings. That felt a bit of relief. Turning off the DVD player, I got off my bed and went downstairs. I met Olivia, rushing towards me.

"Ms. Watson, you have a visitor" she said. I nodded at her and slipped on my plush slippers before heading out of the front door. That's when I realized that it was raining hard. I could see a man's figure standing out of the gate and when I got closer, I gasped when I saw that it was Axl, smiling at me while soaking in the rain.

Why is he here? How'd he knew I'm here? What if Sebastian knew he's here?

"What. The. Fuck?" I scowled at him, crossing my arms.

"Crystal, let me in" he pleaded.

Oh God, here we go again!

I shook my head. "Axl, go home. I swear to you that  Sebastian will slice you throat if he sees you here"

He swiped his wet hair out of his face and held on to the grills of the gate. "Please, can we talk for a while? I… I broke up with Stephanie and I need your help…"

"It's not my problem at all" I faced away from him.

"Please…" his voice was warm and shaky. Damn, he could really make my heart give up. It's cold outside, he might have been soaking in the rain for hours. My conscience will kill me if anything happens to him because… I still… love him.

"Just for a while, okay?" I said softly, unlocking the gate for him.

"Thanks, Crystal" he gave me another smile.

"Just get inside, before I could change my mind" I was keeping my eyes off him. Because I don't want to see him in his wet clothes that was almost showing off his perfectly toned body.

***

Since Axl was soaking wet, I lent him one of Sebastian's shirt that was left in my room. Then, I led him to the dining area.

"Oli, go get us some coffee here" I ordered before glaring back at Axl across the dinner table. "So why'd you broke up with her"

"Because, it doesn't work" he shook his head.

"What do you mean it doesn't work?" I narrowed my eyes at him.

"Fuck" he hissed. "I only dated Stephanie because I was trying to get over our breakup"

I furrowed my eyebrows when I realized that we were just the same. We're trying to pretend that we've moved.

"I thought I don't matter to you at all"

"You're wrong" he muttered.

Yeah, I know. He still loves me…

"Here's your coffee Ma'am" Olivia laid the cups of coffee on the dinner table.

"Thanks Oli"

Once Olivia finally walked away, I resumed our conversation.

"So you want me back right now?" I asked sarcastically. He slightly nodded. It's not going to be that easy at all!

I got up and slammed my fist on the table. "Axl, if only you've treated me like a human being I will not leave you"

"It wasn't me you know, it's the drug" he folded his arms over his chest.

I gave him another sarcastic smile. "I got nothing to say about that Axl" I turned around and walked out of the dining area. He also got up and stood infront of me.

"Crystal, I wanted to hear the truth from you" he held me by my shoulders.

Tell him the truth that I still love him?

My emotions began to pour again. I've started crying like I always do eversince I met him, eversince I loved him. "Tell you what?" 

"That-"

"I still love you Axl!" I cut him off. "And it fucking kills me!"

Without saying another word, he pulled me into a kiss. The burning feeling of love and passion came back. As my eyes close, I kissed back. It was a relief to tell him the truth.

He pulled away and stared into my eyes. "I'm really sorry for everything. I know that things are much complicated right now and I don't want to take things in hurry so…"

He stopped and held my hand. "If you're not yet ready to start over with me, I'll be waiting"

He's back, the sweet and loving rockstar I met. I bit my lip as my tears kept on streaming down my face. But I suddenly remembered Sebastian…

There are so many things in my mind right now. I love Axl but Sebastian loves me though he has a to be Maria's husband. They both love me but it seems like… ugh! I really can't tell what I'm feeling right now.

"Yeah, that's right, I'm not yet ready" I dropped his hand, slowly taking my eyes off his.

"It's okay…" he whispered, pain filled his voice. That's when I decided to leave him alone.

When can I escape this state of confusion?

A/N:

It looks like Axl has finally changed but Crystal is not yet ready. Though she and Sebastian weren't officially dating, she can't just leave or else he'll knew that she's just using him.

Actually, Stephanie Seymour and Axl broke up year 1993, but I made it earlier as well as the G N' R's Use Your Illusion tour ended a year earlier in this story. Short chapter, isn't? ;)

Who can guess what's gonna happen next?

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