Just Live For Me

Family's A Bitch

September 1, 2012

Dear Diary,

         Today Rachel and I went to the mall. (Just the two of us) It was nice J Since I started dating Jake I hadn’t scene her that much. We talked mostly about Jake and Matt. It was fun because she doesn’t know about the car crash, so to her Jake is just a nice guy who occasionally skips school. I think we talked about them for about an hour J She told me how Matt and her are going to Wisconsin over Thanksgiving break. It sounded like a lot of fun, but I doubt that mom would let me go anywhere over Thanksgiving break. Oh well, I’ll have a nice time at home. Besides, that’s a long ways away. I still have Halloween to look forward too J

September 3, 2012

Dear Diary,

         My baby cousins are coming this weekend since it’s a 3 day weekend J I guess they’re not all babies but I’ve known them since they were J Sydney is 10, Kim is 7, and Sam is 14. I feel bad for Sam he has to live with two baby sisters (I love them to death but he’s a boy with two little sisters its gotta suck). We’ve always been pretty close though so this will be fun. Maybe he can meet Jake.

September 4, 2012

Dear Diary,

         Jake and I texted all first period today. I know it sounds crazy since we see each other so much, but we never run out of things to talk about. He showed me some cool bands that I’d never heard of before. During lunch we sat outside and listened to music together J every so often Jake would zone out into the music and forget I was there. At least I think that’s what happened since he started singing quietly a few times. It was cute, and he didn’t sound that bad J He was so embarrassed though; he’s so cute when he gets embarrassed.

September 6, 2012

Dear Diary,

         YAAAAAAAAYYYYY!!!!!! No school tomorrow!!! Jake and I are hanging out tomorrow, but I have to be home by six to see my cousins. It will be so fun! I have no idea what we’re going to do, but I’m excited J

September 7, 2012

Dear Diary,

         Okay so today was really fun until Jake had to take me home. I mean, we went to this place where you could paint sculptures (I haven’t been there in sooooo long), and Jake painted me a gold lion <3 I felt bad because my dog I gave him looked like a five year old painted it. Anyways, when Jake walked me to my door Kim opened the door, and she was sooooo embarrassing! She asked if we were married, if he was staying for dinner, if he knew I snored (Of course neither of us admitted that we’d slept in the same room before, and that I in fact did NOT snore), and other things like that. He did in fact end up having dinner with us. All through dinner my aunt and my cousins kept staring at him. I mean, I guess he’s not what you’d expect a girl like me to date (Black hair, hoody, ripped jeans), but didn’t anyone ever teach them not to stare!? About halfway through an awkward conversation about some sports thing, Sam blurts out “ So Jake is your hair naturally black, or are you one of those weird emo fags that want attention. Right now I’m getting the weird emo vibe, but that’s just me.”

         I wanted to tackle that smug S.O.B. so much, and slap him to death right there and then! Luckily, my aunt sent him away, and yelled at him in the living room right away (Even though I’m sure she was thinking the same thing). When he came back five minutes later my aunt made him give one of those obviously fake sorrys. Jake accepted the apology, but I could tell he felt uncomfortable. Especially since other than the hair color, Sam was right; Jake cuts him self. However, I know Jake wants nothing more than to disappear from everyone like Sam (People who blame and tease him). He doesn’t want attention.

         Now that he left I can’t count how many times I’ve texted him how sorry I am.

September 8, 2012

Dear Diary,

         All day today, Sam and I were together (We all went on a picnic). It was excruciatingly awkward. We used to be so close, but now… I don’t know… how can I put this nicely… he turned into a huge ass. He told me about three times that ‘emo’ people like Jake (Who by the way Sam has no evidence of being emo) are prone to psychotic breakdowns and murder (Completely bull-shit!) I gotta say, thank god for Kim and Sydney. They kept saying how they wanted to be the flower girls at our wedding and he seemed nice J They wanted to see him again. I love them so much <3

September 9, 2012

Dear Diary,

         Today I went shopping with my cousins and my Aunt at some strip mall. Kim and Sydney freaked out at every toy/candy/dress shop we passed, leaving Sam and me to wait outside the whole time awkwardly avoiding each other…

         When we were there I saw Jake hanging out with some guys I’d never seen before. It was fascinating really, to see I’m act so natural around others and not avoid their eyes. I didn’t want to interrupt (ya’know since these were the only other people I’ve ever seen Jake hang with), but as soon as he saw me he called me over so I figured why not. I just hung with them the rest of the day. One guys name was Garrett; he had blond hair with pink and blue stripes in it and triple ear piercings (I’m 90% sure he’s gay). The other guy’s name was Collin; he had a soul patch and a Spiderman tattoo on his wrist. They were pretty cool, but they were obviously high (Jake too). A few times they offered me a joint, but I didn’t take it. I mean how would I explain to my mom why I saw a flying turtle flipping me off (One of Garrett’s hallucinations)? I just hung with them while my Aunt bought Sydney and Kim ice cream, contributing to their weird conversations.

         Jake acted in a way I haven’t seen him act in a while. He was cool and calm. (Well at least as cool as one can be high). I think he was happy to be with people who didn’t know about the accident, people who just saw him as a cool guy they just met instead of a ‘killer’. I think he was happier than I’d ever seen him. I was sad when I had to leave, but my mom kept giving me weird looks like ‘who the hell are those guys Megan!?’ and ‘Get the hell away from those pot-heads!’ After about a half hour of ignoring her I eventually just had to leave. Jake and I had a great time though. It meant a lot to me that he got to have a normal day for once… even if he can’t remember it tomorrow.

September 10, 2012

Dear Diary,

         My cousins are leaving today. Imma miss Sydney and Kim, but I hope the next time I see Sam he’s grown up a bit… or if not grown up… gone back to being the cute stupid infant I used to play with when I was little.

         Poor Sam… Before he left he took me aside to tell me something (I assumed another bash on Jake) When he tried to speak all that came out was a small crack, then a squeak, then tears. Whenever he tried to speak, more tears came out. To be honest I was worried, and although he had been an ass, all I cold do was hug him. I hugged him while he cried with sorry attempts to talk between deep breaths. After he calmed down he kept telling me how sorry he was.

         Apparently, about a month before he came here he and his girlfriend (Clair) broke up. Just out of the blue. She calmed him boring and ran off to some scene boy. He said that after she started dating him, she changed. She smoked and swore and acted like a total bitch. Sam said that the boy bullies him everyday just to show her just how ‘badass’ he is. My Aunt has no idea, and he said he’d kill me if I told anyone. He just wanted to explain why he’d been so mean to Jake. He thought that he was just going to ruin me like the boy ruined Clair. He had no idea he was actually hurting. I just found out when… well… let’s just say, I need to hide my diary better.

         I guess I can’t blame him for reacting the way he did. He was just a heartbroken boy trying to help his cousin.