Just Live For Me

Keep Me Close

September 28, 2012

Dear Diary,

         I’m not going to lie; today was kinda weird. When I went to pick up Jake from the hospital after school, his mom was there (I guess that’s a good thing though). She was fussing over him again, and I could tell he was annoyed with her. I offered to drive him home for her, but she got offended and dragged him out of the hospital before I could reply. Jake and I texted a lot for the rest of the day, and he says it’s getting easier for him to move his wrists and text, but it still hurts. After about two hours of texting, he ran out of strength and called me. It was nice to hear his voice, but I wish that I’d been with him. I have to at least give his mom credit for trying to help him more, but honestly I think she’s doing more bad than good for him.

However, tomorrow we’re hanging out no matter what. We haven’t been on a real date in so long! It gets annoying to hear how great Rachel and Casey’s relationships are going while knowing that my boyfriend was in a hospital with a newly overprotective mother. But he’s out of the hospital, he’s home again, and I’m going to see him tomorrow J It is getting better. This time I’m almost certain.

September 30, 2012

Dear Diary,

         Last night I slept over at Jake’s house J unfortunately I couldn’t hold his hands (they were covered in bandages), but I definitely hugged and kissed him enough. I cooked him dinner, while he told me how bad the hospital food was and how much he’d wished I were there with him. To be honest I think the hospital food was better that the crap I cooked, but Jake didn’t complain. He just smiled and moved the food around his plate. Normally I would’ve been worried that he’d stopped eating again, but seriously the kids in Africa wouldn’t eat that crap I made. Oh well, I won’t be a cook when I grow up. Jake can cook well enough for the both of us (when his arms heal) or ya’know there’s always takeout J His mom was in her room the whole time, but I would tell she was listening through the walls when we went into his room. What did she really think we would be talking about? Drugs, sex, cutting? If anything, anything we talked about was helping him.

         There was something off about his room though. As soon as I stepped in I could tell. It took me a while, but eventually I noticed… there were no pictures of Helen… There were no drawings she’d made him on the walls even though he wouldn’t even let me adjust them when I used to go there… It was just so empty… Not literally though. There were still hundreds of CDs and his cloths were all over the floor. The main thing that creeped me out was that the floors and walls had been bleached and plastered, to cover up the blood stains and knife marks. He even had a new door (with no lock). This may just be my opinion, but I thin his mom kinda went overboard with taking away the photos. I mean, I get the lock and walls, but seriously the pictures? He loved her. I can’t tell if his mom is helping him move past the tragedy or trying to erase his past and avoid the problem again.

         Anyways, on a happy note. We were up until 5 a.m. talking, listening to music, and watching videos on his computer. I have now memorized 5 Escape the Fate, 7 Three Days Grace, and almost all Black Veil Brides songs. Ha the things I do in my spare time. I memorized Savior for him though. One day I’m going to sing it for him. I’ve been practicing. J At around 3 a.m. we turned off the lights so that his mom would think we were asleep (there was an air mattress in his room for me) we didn’t sleep though. We lay in his bed with me in his arms, and we watched Across The Universe on his laptop. I had never seen it before and I never really listened to the Beatles before, but all I can say is that now I really want to. It was so good J I could tell it was one of Jake’s favorite movies. The DVD case was all worn out.

         When it ended I was half asleep. I could feel Jake trying to slip out from under me so I could sleep in his bed, but I didn’t want him to leave. I wanted him by me. We slept next to each other and it was nice. He was warm and his breathing was soothing. No we didn’t ‘sleep together’ like it sounds. I just slept in his arms. No matter how bandaged and scarred they were, there was no place I’d rather be than in his arms… in his room… on a cool September night… away from all the problems in the world J

         LOL! When his mom found us in the morning she couldn’t kick me out fast enough! Crossing my fingers that she wont call my parents!