Just Live For Me

Mercy

October 16, 2012

Dear Diary,

         Is it possible to cry yourself to death? If you can laugh yourself to death then you can probably cry yourself to death. Maybe some form of crazy dehydration? All I know is that since Jake left, I have no reason to get up in the morning. I wake up with red eyes, only to work for a half hour to cover up the fact that I feel like shit. Then I go to school, where I re-read Jake’s text messages and worry about him non-stop. I have been practically zoning out all of my friend (not to mention ignoring my own family). When I get home I go straight to my room without talking to my parents (They try to talk to me, but they know I don’t want to, so they don’t try too hard). Every once in a while, I’ll drive past Jake’s house too see if he’s home yet. I think my biggest let down of my days have been when I see the light on in his room, then realize that it’s just his mom… not to mention the horrible feeling of knowing she blames me…

I haven’t been doing my homework, and I’m really falling behind. I know I should do it, but whenever I try to all I can think about is how Jake never learned any of it. When he gets back we can learn it together. I don’t care if it means I’ll have to stay after school every day. WHEN Jake gets back we can be behind together. Then we can get through it together like we were supposed to.

October 18, 2012

Dear Diary,

         What is there to write about? Jake’s not back… my life is empty… Oh yeah… today Kevin wasn’t there, so Lily sat with me at lunch. She apologies a lot about what Kevin and her had been doing. I told her I forgave her… but I don’t… how could I? I mean, it’s great that she was sorry, and the sooner she left Kevin the better… but… Jake’s gone… he left… because of Kevin and his friends… Lily included. She could sit there and beg all day for forgiveness, but I’d never really forgive her… but I’m not an evil person, and I knew her guilt was killing her, so I gave her something Kevin never gave Jake… mercy… a feeling of relief… Maybe my good deed will be rewarded.

October 19, 2012

Dear Diary,

         OMG! I CAN’T BELIEVE IT! Jake’s back! He’s really back! I thought I’d never see him again! After school today I saw him standing by my car... but there’s something else. He wasn’t so much standing BY my car as he was LEANING on it… he was practically passed out. When I saw him I ran up and hugged him (naturally duh!), but when I hugged him… he didn’t hug back… he raised his arm and rubbed my back, but… he just didn’t seem right. At the moment I didn’t really notice anything wrong with him (He was back and I was kinda freaking out!).

         … Then Kevin noticed Jake too… I swear that guy has evil powers, because as soon as I turned around, Kevin and four of his friends were standing there. They started hassling Jake and pushing him around. They pulled his hair, pushed him down, and slapped his hair… Then one of Kevin’s friends went too far. He punched Jake in the face. Jake had blood coming out of his nose like crazy! You could hardly see his face!... But still Jake didn’t fight back… He just… stood there in a daze… looking at them while they beat the crap out of him.

         Then another of Kevin’s friends (I think his name is Brian) grabbed me. He twisted my arm behind my back (that hurts A TON btw) and then he pushed me to the ground. Jake had no idea what was going on until I screamed (don’t judge me it hurt!). When Jake turned around and say me on the ground, with my arm-twisted behind my back, he change completely. Even as beaten up as he was, he fought for me.

         He grabbed Brian off of me and punched him square in the jaw… and again in the gut… and again… and again… and again… Kevin’s friends left after that, but Kevin just wouldn’t fucking leave. Even though Jake was covered in blood and bruises, he just kept jabbing at him. He called him things like ‘ emo fag’ and ‘ piece of shit’. He told him he was better off dead. He told Jake that no matter how hard he tried… he’d always be nothing more than just a murderer. Jake didn’t do anything though. He held me in his arms and stared Kevin right in the eyes. Jake ad been taking his shit for a year… he’d cried from it… he’d nearly died… but finally… Kevin’s words didn’t hurt him. Because there we were; together again holding each other tight, while Kevin’s only remaining friend was on the ground bleeding, because he tried to hurt me. If you ask me… Jake was winning for once J

          But Kevin wouldn’t leave without a fight… he shoved me away from Jake, and punched Jake in the face (blood went everywhere) What the hell is wrong with Kevin!? Couldn’t he see that Jake was hurt!? Couldn’t he see that it was over? But he still wouldn’t back the fuck off of Jake… then Jake couldn’t take it anymore. When Kevin went for a last blow to Jake’s face, he stopped it. Jake grabbed Kevin’s fist inches from his face. Kevin’s bloody fist was locked in Jake’s shaking grip, and there was no way he’d let go. Jake didn’t even flinch when his sleeve fell. He had no bandages on, and his permanent dark red gash was clear as day on in thin pale, wrist…but there was no way he’d let Kevin win again.

         Then Jake lost it… he took Kevin’s arm and twisted it behind his back. I swear he was seconds away from breaking that bastard’s arm, but I couldn’t let my sweet boyfriend sink to that level. No mater how much pain Kevin has caused him, I know he would’ve regretted breaking his arm… no matter how much he wanted to at the moment. I took Jake’s other bloody hand in mine and held it tight. As we watched Kevin wriggle in agony as Jake twisted his arm, I could see Jake’s glare loosen. I whispered that it was ok. I told him that if he broke Kevin’s arm he would be no better than the monster Kevin had made him out to be. I reminded him that Helen would never have wanted her big brother to sink to that level… and that did the trick… he let Kevin drop to the ground in a big, gasping, bloody heap … after a few seconds of calling Jake a freak Kevin and Brian were gone… I don’t think that they’re done hurting Jake though… If anything Jake had just brought up an even worse battle, but at the moment… I couldn’t care less about future battles…

…Because before I knew it Jake had fallen to the ground struggling to stay conscious…