Just Live For Me

The Silence before the Storm

September 15, 2012

Dear Diary,

I think I woke up at like six a.m. today… I just couldn’t sleep. Whenever I closed my eyes I saw Jake… in a dark room… alone… crying… with blood running down his arms… and every so often I heard the sound of wheels and a girl screaming. The dream came with little variations, but no matter what the difference was… I woke up crying, screaming and covered in sweat. Thank god my parents are sound sleepers. I don’t think I would be able to explain that to them. They still don’t know about the crash, or at least I haven’t told them… weather they already knew or not is unknown to me.

At about seven Jake texted me and asked me if I wanted to go to the mall with him, or something. I was showered, dressed, and had my makeup/ hair done in less than an hour then I ran out the door. I left a note for my parents and texted them so I’m good.

Anyways, Jake and I hung out at the mall all day. We went to Hot Topic about three times and I got about three bracelets, blue eyeliner (that’ll be fun to wear to school), and some red skinny jeans. To be honest my wardrobe is kinda bland. I mean I have colorful T-shirts, but I’ve always kinda wanted to see what it was like to wear crazy cloths and makeup to school. Jake also bought me a band T-shit for Black Veil Brides (The first band he ever showed me and know my favorite band), and I bought him an Avenged Sevenfold hoodie (It’s his favorite band). After that we went to the food court. We got a lot of looks… I’m not really surprised I mean, Jakes like a foot taller than me (okay I’m exaggerating), he had all black cloths, and his hair is jet-black and long. Then there’s me 5’6 brown hair and I was wearing a brown shirt with a pink butterfly on it. I guess we kinda look like opposites.

At about six p.m. we went to my house to hang out. Just my dad was home. He gave us a look, but he just stayed to himself mostly (thank god). I can’t really blame him for not wanting his only daughter alone with some boy in my room, but like I said he didn’t interfere. We listened to music and talked about non-sense for about two hours I guess, then Jake turned off the music put his arms around my waist and kissed me. Of course I kissed back J It was soft and sweet and lasted about 10 seconds. After that I just sat there in his arms while he played with my hair and told me how much he loved me. I never doubted any of the words that passed his lips. Around 9:30 I think I fell asleep in his arms. That was the first time in a while that I didn’t have a nightmare… I dreamt of our wedding.

I was walking down the aisle in a sleek white dress with a soft cream colored floral patters flowing down from the bodes. I felt like a princess. My dad gave me away, and as I walked down the aisle I saw Jake at the end. He was in a handsome black tux with a red tie. He had no bags under his eyes, and although he had long sleeves I could tell his wrists were pure and cut-free. Helen was the flower girl and Casey and Rachel were my bridesmaids. After we both said ‘I do’ we kissed. It was wonderful. Fireworks boomed and I was in heaven J

Then I woke up… AHHHHH why couldn’t I have stayed in my wonderful dream!? So now I’m writing this entry about my wonderful day while watching the most wonderful guy in the world sleep while leaning against my bead. I know I’m smiling while I’m writing this. That’s just because Jake is smiling in his sleep, and I can’t help myself J

I guess I should probably get some more sleep now, and with any luck when I fall asleep I’ll be back at my wedding. Goodnight.

September 16, 2012

Dear Diary,

Jake woke me up this morning. He lightly kissed my then he told me to wake up. I immediately swing up to stand and we clunked heads… it was so embarrassing! He laughed so it was ok J He has a cute laugh. I wish I heard it more. We watched The Lion King in the living room while my mom and dad went to lunch with our neighbors until about twelve. It was nice and peaceful. We laughed and I cried a little when Mufassa died. Don’t judge me its sad! Whenever I began to cry a little Jake held me tighter and kissed the top of my head. Have I ever told you I love that guy? Oh god here I go again talking to my diary… well I’ve lost it J

We went to lunch at Fridays. He god a burger and I got a salad (he hardly ate though) The waitress (who had snakebites and red hair) flirted with Jake a little. I wasn’t jealous; I know he loves me J It did however get us a free appetizer.

Over all it was a great day… but in the back of my mind I knew that the anniversary of Helen’s death was in two days… I’m not going to lie; I’m scared.

September 17, 2012

Dear Diary,

One more day… I’m really nervous…