Just Live For Me

Happy Birthday...

August 27, 2012

Dear Diary,

         Today In History class, Lily sat next to me on one side and Kevin sat on my other side. Jake had to sit behind me. The whole period Lily kept saying how much fun she had over the weekend (She went to Kevin’s house), She and Kevin kept mentioning how he has a pool, so he, Lily, and his sister went swimming. According to Lily Kevin looks great without a shirt, and his arms are so strong that he could lift Lizzi up with one arm. (Those Jackasses have never known pain in their life!) Every so often they would turn to Jake just to see if he was listening. What kind of person does that to another human being!? Especially since Lily used to be so sweet! I remember when we used to color with chalk on her driveway. Now she’s purposefully saying things to hurt the boy I love, just so she can keep banging some jerk!

         That was the worst 55 minutes of my and Jake’s life, yet after class he didn’t want to talk about it. Even after school when I tried to talk about it, he put his hand over my mouth and told me how beautiful I look. Don’t get me wrong; I love when he compliments me. I just wish it wasn’t an escape from talking about his problems.

         P.S. I don’t care if I ever see Jake in a swimsuit.

August 29, 2012

Dear Diary,

         Jake’s birthday is tomorrow! I bought him an iPod! (Not the touch or the iphone, but a nice one for music) J I’m going to his house after school tomorrow to surprise him J so excited!

August 30, 2012

Dear Diary,

         Jake wasn’t in school today… I’m still going to his house; after all it’s his birthday, and I have a present for him J

         I feel bad for Jake. His own mother took an extra shift on his birthday! When I got to his house, I let myself in. (The door was unlocked) I shouted Jake’s name a couple times, but he never responded. Eventually, I just went up to his room, and knocked on his door… He still didn’t answer me. (I knew he was home because I could hear his music from in his room) It took me about five minutes of knocking for him to open his door… he wasn’t high, but I could see that he’d had at least four beers. His breath stunk. I’m not sure he was completely aware of what was going on, because he told me I looked hot and tried to make out with me… he’s a weird drunk. For about twenty minutes I sat on his bed listening to him rant about crap that didn’t even make sense. Some examples are; ‘ DUDE! We NEED to go to Utah and start a band! NO bands are in Utah! We’ll be the number one band there!’ and ‘ If you ask me animals looked cooler before they decided to make them furless. I mean the point of a cat is to have a fluffy little thing right? So why would some allergic person want some bald rat-cat thing!?’

         When he started to calm down I kissed him and sang him happy birthday J That cheered him up. He almost passed out when I gave him his present! He was adorable! Then he did the most heart-breaking thing that somebody in his position could do… He called for Helen. He kept saying how much she wanted on, and that he promised to help her raise enough money for one… He wanted to share it with her. I had to close my eyes to keep from crying. Even when I felt my eyes fill with tears I promised myself I wouldn’t cry. It was like watching the baby birds chirp for food, even after their mom had been shot… He called her at least five times… Then he went to look for her. He even called her cell.

         When he went into her room and there was nothing there, I could see his sweet, little, heart break. For ten minutes he was a big brother again; then he was back to being the reason he wasn’t one anymore. All the liquor in the world couldn’t make him forget she was dead now… He just stood in her doorway holding the iPod. He didn’t speak; he didn’t move. I just watched him die inside minute… after minute… after minute…Birthdays aren’t supposed to be sad.

August 31, 2012

Dear Diary,

         Today during lunch and between every passing period, Jake listened to his new iPod. He smiled at me every time our eyes met, but other than that he made no attempt to make any human contact.