Just Live For Me

Romeo and Juliet

November 9, 2012

Dear Diary,

         Do you know how annoying it is to keep a relationship a secret? It’s only been a few days, and still people have found out that we apparently ‘broke up’. So all week while Matt, Casey, Rachel, Brandon, and a bunch of random kids who I didn’t even know were my friends consoled me and told me that I was better off and I would find another boy soon; I had to watch Jake sit alone in class with no one to talk to, because anyone left who might have considered him a good guy thought he was s jerk who broke my heart (btw I was in no way implying that when I told Casey, but somehow along the way that’s how it ended up) Ugg! Can I have no secrets in this school! Or is it just a big rumor fest!?

         However, there is one secret that I couldn’t risk anyone finding out about. Not even Casey or Rachel know. That is the fact that every night at about 11:30 p.m. Jake sneaks over to my house J I feel like Juliet. Every night my forbidden love comes to my window, because we can’t bear to be apart. It’s so romantic! Yes I know I am a hopeless romantic, but it’s like right out of a fairy tale!

Anyways, so every night Jake creeps into my room once my parents are asleep, and we have well… I guess you’d call them like mini dates until like 2-3 a.m. Sure I’m tired more, but it’s the only way for us to see each other without our parents freaking out. If there was another option I’d take it, but for now who needs sleep? I’d rather be kissing my bf, listening to music (with headphones duh), and talking about non-sense for hours than sleeping J Btw I’ve gotten pretty used to his lip ring. Turns out he did it himself. Who knew he could do that? Well… I guess he has never been afraid of pointy blades on his flesh, so… still I’d never be able to do that to myself (I’m a pretty big wuss XD)

         Last night was the first night that he mentioned Helen. Actually, now that I think about it… other than yesterday he hasn’t talked about her in a while. The topic of her was pretty random though. The All Time Low song called ‘ Under A Paper Moon’ started playing on my iPod. Without even looking at me he just blurted out that it used to be Helen’s favorite song. He told me how she couldn’t stand A7x, BVB, FIR, or anything like that, but she really seemed to enjoy All Time Low. Especially, Under A Paper Moon’ and ‘ Hello Brooklyn’. I’m not surprised she didn’t like those other bands though; she didn’t seem like one of those kinda girls. After her name came up in conversation, we couldn’t really get rid of it. It kept popping up again. I didn’t mind though, I really do like hearing about her. It makes Jake smile, just so long as we talk around the accident… When Savior started playing, I swear my heart stopped. I had no idea what was going to happen next. Would Jake break? Would I? I could tell I was shaking.

         But nothing happened. No one cried. No one freaked out. Jake took the headphones out of our ears and pulled me to my feet. Then he kissed me. He told me that “ A few weeks ago… if that song started playing… I would’ve ran for some weed, or beer… then a knife.” Then he looked down and just laughed… I don’t know why… I think I would have rather him cry. At least I know how and what to help and feel when he cries. But when he laughed like that, I dunno… I just didn’t know what to do. I wrapped my arms around his neck and ran my hands through his thick hair. I kissed his neck, but when he still wouldn’t look up I went for his lips. He put his arms around my waist, but he still wouldn’t look in my eyes. I cupped his face in my hands and tilted his head up, so I could look into his eyes. They were… unreadable… I mean, he was smiling and all, but it wasn’t the same smile he had when he was truly happy. Believe me I tried my best to find out what was wrong, but he wouldn’t tell me anything was wrong. He kissed me more on my lips and neck, but I was done being a distraction. I sat on my bed, put my arms around his neck and asked him straight out what was wrong… he never did answer me… he tried to kiss me again, but I didn’t let him…

         But… I was tired of us ending on bad terms, so I gave in. When he walked to my window, I grabbed his arm and hugged him. I don’t know why I didn’t kiss him I just think a hug meant more. He kissed my head (I love when he does that) and once again he was gone.

         He’ll be here soon. It’s 11:04 p.m. and I’m ready to see my boyfriend J