Pretending (A Calum Hood Fan Fiction)

Chapter 75: Him

Monday, April 7th 2014

5:48 PM

My hands keep trembling as I apply an enough amount of styling gel through my black hair. I decided to put it up in a quiff again, since it suited me well with my new haircut. I've been facing the mirror for heaven knows how long already. I admit I am nervous, or scared I must say. This isn't the first time I'd be attending a prom, but I have never been this afraid before. I should be excited, feeling ecstatic actually. But I couldn't even stop myself from getting nervous. It's prom night tonight, which I reminded myself quite a lot of times. I keep taking deep breaths every time it crosses my mind. I know it's just another night, but for me, it isn't.

I settled with a white button up polo and a new pair of black skinny jeans. I went back to the mirror and watch my own reflection as I slip my arms on my black suit. I looked down to check if it would look good on the black Vans I decided to pair with my outfit. My lips formed into a small smile as I get satisfied with what I'm wearing. I didn't want to look too formal or proper, but I guess I'm all good with these.

I stood still and closed my eyes, taking another deep breath. There are lots of questions inside my head that I couldn't even seem to determine which and what to answer.

Would things be alright?

Would things work out?

Would things come back the way they were before?

Would she come?

I hate thinking about it, but as much as I don't want to think of it, it won't stop coming inside my mind and bother me. I want be positive about everything and think that everything is going to be alright, but that would make me assume and expect and I might just get my heart broken, again. I'm terribly afraid. I don't want to force her, but I'm hoping and praying she would come and let me make things work out again. I really just want her to come.

It's not my fault that I couldn't stop what I feel.

6:04 PM

The memories of last Friday night started flooding inside my mind as I drive my way to school. From the moment she walked down the stairs, up to the very last moment I told her that I would wait for her. Just like what I've said, I hate thinking about things. But whenever it all pops out of my mind, somehow, even just a little, it gives me hope.

I remember how she smiled sweetly at me while walking down the stairs. I was completely expecting I'd see her the way I saw her again for the first time after two months, but I was wrong. It's still her, with the usual outfit that I fell in love with. I don't need her looking all fancy and stuff. It mesmerizes me too much to see her the way she looked when she dresses up, but seeing her being herself is enough to make me fall in love just like how I did when she bumped into me that day. She never fails to make my heart flutter with her presence, because she's just really beautiful in her own unique way. Her hair was up in a bun that night, and that made me smile, and wonder as well. Was she trying to imply something? I'm not so sure though. I'm just happy. Really happy.

I can still feel how she held my hand that night. I wasn't expecting it, but I hoped for it. I never took any chance to ask her, because I didn't want to kill the mood about what's happening between us that night. I just held her hand tightly just like how she squeezed mine. I may not know what she's trying to tell me by that, but I hope she really is trying to tell me something.

I remember how I hated myself so much after opening my eyes that night at the car. I never meant to pretend that I was asleep, but then I suddenly felt the need to play a prank on her since I've missed it so much. I planned to pretend asleep for a long time, and expected she would keep on bugging me, but I was wrong, again. I swear I was on the verge of screaming the shit out of me when I felt her leaning closer to me. She kept mumbling words that I couldn't even understand even though it was completely silent. I didn't know what to do, that made me open my eyes because I got so curious and I want to see what she was up to. Right then, I saw her almost closing her eyes and leaning in. Her lips were only a little inch away from mine when I didn't even have the time to stop myself from saying something. She pushed me away and started hiding herself from me. And even though my stupid prank worked but in a different way, I still hate myself from doing that. I should have stayed pretending that I was asleep, and just let her kiss me. I miss kissing her. Damn it, I just suck at pretending.