Pretending (A Calum Hood Fan Fiction)

Chapter 73: Him

"No."

"Just, no."

"Too much."

"Uhm, no."

"Fuck."

I threw the last piece of shirt I took out from my dresser and sighed. I have never been in this kind of situation before, and I'm starting to think that something is wrong with me. Am I okay? I think I'm not. My clothes are all over my room and everything became messier than usual. I'm struggling too much on what to wear, on what to not to wear, on what to do, and on what not to do. I know for a fact that I don't have to be like this, but I don't even know why am I acting like this ever since yesterday. Today is Friday, and tonight's the All Time Low gig. I will be seeing her again in an hour and I don't even know what to wear. I know I can always just settle with a plain shirt, but why do I feel like it's too simple for her liking?

I felt the need to impress her. A lot. I don't even know, I just feel like I have to. I want to wear clothes in where within just one look I would be able to make her smile. I want her to feel comfortable around me, and I don't want any bit of awkwardness to engulf us together. I almost took out everything from my closet for rummaging through my pile of clothes. I was never the neat and clean one, but when it comes to my clothes, I always want everything organized. But for now, maybe just now, I guess a little change would do. I'm too lazy to function. Besides those pieces of clothing lying on the floor won't just fade away anyway.

I flopped down on my bed and sighed while closing my eyes. I'm stressed and feeling a bit nervous for reasons that I couldn't even determine. Probably one of them is that I only have like an hour to get ready and I am not even ready yet. I don't even get the point of me being like this. I don't even understand what's stressing me out.

The memories of last Wednesday night suddenly flashed back inside my head. It was really more than nice to see her again. To hear her laugh again, to see her smile again, to talk to her again, to hug her again, even to kiss her again. It felt like forever since that very last time I was able to do all those. I wasn't really close to even planning to kiss her, but I know deep inside me I am dying to do that. I didn't want things to get really awkward between us, so I wasn't really planning to kiss her. But it happened so fast that even myself got surprised for what I did. It was just a quick peck on her cheek, but I somehow made it last longer than I could ever manage. It may sound so cheesy for me to say, but I think that it was the highlight of my day. I've missed her so much, that it actually made me really happy until now. I wonder if she feels the same though. I can't read her mind, she might probably not like what I did. But I'm hoping she did. Even just for a little bit.

I was staring at nothing in particular at my ceiling when something popped out of my mind. I remember the shirt she gave me last Christmas. I haven't used it yet, not even for once. I smiled widely at my idea, then checked the time on my phone. I still have enough time to get ready. I hope this ombre shirt will look good on me.

*

I took a deep breath before ending up ringing her door bell rather than knocking. I bit my lip as I wait for her to answer. I don't even know why I'm feeling this way, but I'm really nervous. Even though I can't admit it to myself, this is like I'm starting all over again. I feel like I'm in the process of taking something back. I feel like this all happened before, and it's just happening again. I don't quite know how to explain the things in my head, but I have a feeling that it's somehow good. Second chances? I'm not sure.

I settled wearing the shirt she gave me last Christmas, and I'm glad it suited me well with just black skinny jeans and my black high cut converse. I put my hair up in a quiff that Luke taught me how to. I could say that I looked pretty decent today than usual. This is probably just a friendly hang out between the two of us, but I felt the need to dress up real good to impress her. I hope I look good though. This is probably the first time I felt unsure with how I look like.