Pretending (A Calum Hood Fan Fiction)

Chapter 4: Her

I went to grab my jacket and hurriedly walked down the stairs. I tried so hard to cover my face, not wanting my mother to see that I had been crying, and I don't want to see her crying either. I never talk to her. Well I used to, not when things were as shitty as of today. I wish I could just straight up tell her that everything's gonna be all right and I'll always be here for her no matter what, but I couldn't. I don't have the guts to tell her those words. The fear of getting pushed away always haunts me and I couldn't get back to doing it no matter how much I try.

Plugging my earphones in and about to head out, the front door opened and my father entered, drunk as usual. I bit my lip and fought back my tears. I still couldn't stand seeing him this way. I wanted to get mad at him for letting these things happen to him but I know that he didn't like any of it either. None of us did. For the past years, all I ever did was to wish that my life was different from what I have right now. Everything seems so dysfunctional, that I sometimes question how I still manage to wake up every morning feeling hopeful that something might change even just a little bit.

"Where the hell are you going Kristen?" he shouted.

I didn't answer and still tried as much as I could not to burst out in tears. Feeling a big lump forming in my throat, I kept walking.

He laughed and spat out words I didn't get to catch on, but I ignored it. I opened the door and slammed it shut and walked as fast as I can. 

And that's when tears started streaming down my face. I couldn't hold them any longer. I hate crying, but letting it all out for once felt a bit nice. I never wanted anyone to see me crying nor hear me speak with my voice breaking. I grew up feeling that I was never allowed to feel any kind of vulnerability and sadness that it has gotten so much into me. I have always felt that it was never okay for me to be sad.

For now, I just need some place to be alone. Some place where I can forget everything about my life for a while and just think about nothing. Nothing. That's what I want to feel. Nothing.


*


I kept walking, not knowing where to go. Somehow, I have calmed myself already. Walking and breathing the fresh air in and out while listening to music has always been therapeutic to me. There's this place that I can take myself away and be calm whenever I listen to music. I don't know why, but it's like it's my own way of escaping reality.

Tapping my fingers on my phone, I suddenly felt like someone's following me. I tried to ignore it and started thinking that maybe it's just coming from the music I'm listening to. I kept walking, but a bit faster this time. I paused the song and the sound of the footsteps is still there, obviously following me. I kept walking, but curiosity grew on me. I want to know if someone's really following me. I want to know who's following me.

Apparently, I'm not brave enough to face who it was so I kept walking and tried my best to stay calm. I could feel my heartbeat getting uneven and I'm already getting nervous about the whole situation. Unfortunately, I got into the end of the road and there's no other way than to turn around. I took a deep breath and turn around, trying to look calm as much as I can.

I was welcomed by a tall, hunky looking guy. Probably a member of the football team. It was somehow a relief when I noticed his face. It's kind of familiar. I think I've seen him quite a lot of times at school, mostly at the field. But I don't know his name, neither why he is following me.

"Hey.' He said, slurring his words and making it obvious that he had been drinking.

"Uh... hi?" I replied with a confused smile, not knowing what to say.

"It's Caitlyn, right?" he asked, grinning.

"No, it's uh-- it's Kristen, actually." I pointed out, and started walking.

I'm trying not to be rude but he's kind of scaring me.

"Oh well, then. Hi, Kristen. Might wanna hang out and get something to drink?" He followed as I think of the best excuse I can come up with.

"Oh uhm... actually, I got some plans for tonight." I lied.

"What plans, babe?" he uttered, sending weird chills on my body.

I looked around and tried to find something to be my excuse to get rid of this drunken horny man in front me. I'm starting ran out of ideas and just resort to running as fast as I could but my eyes laid on Starbucks which is like ten meters away from me. I saw a guy near the window sitting there doing nothing, just looking at his phone.

And then I realized, this could be my excuse. My stupid excuse.

"I uh, I'm seeing my boyfriend tonight. There, at Starbucks." I smiled and walked away from him, hoping that he wouldn't follow me anymore but he did.

"You're dating Hood?" he exclaimed.

What does it matter to him anyway?

Hood.

Oh my god.

Isn't it him?

The guy I bumped into last week?

The jerk who didn't even apologize?

Right. That's him.

"Yes, why?" I asked him, trying to sound like I really care. I don't know anything about him but I acted like I do, because apparently, he's my "boyfriend" now.

"You can have someone better than him." He whispered in my ear, as he put his left hand on my waist. I want to throw up.

I removed his hand and faced him. "Don't you fucking dare speak of him like that and I'm telling you if you put one hand on me one more time I'll chop your dick off and shove it up your ass!" I exclaimed.

I walked inside the café and unfortunately he's still there, following me. Now I need to come up with something again.

Why am I always friends with trouble?

I tried to look happy and excited as I get closer to my "boyfriend". I already have things in my mind which I try not to think because I don't want to do it.

But yes, not being the lucky person, I have to do it.

He's still busy looking at his phone, not having any idea of what's going to happen. I screamed like an excited girlfriend and he got startled.

"Babe! Awh I've missed you so much!"

And then, even if it was the stupidest thing to do at that moment, I leaned in and kissed him on the lips.