Missing you (Book One)

Chapter 3 : Memories .. they cut like knifes

Ive been really down in the dumps lately .. writers block is a pain in my butt ... and I cant really think of what to write ... /.\ My brain is on full overload .... anyway .. this might be the last chapter for awhile.

I sighed deeply .. three week's .. three week's since Zendaya's been gone .. and this was the hardest week of all. Somewhere between being awake and asleep .. I had a dream  ... a horrible one. One that might haunt me in my sleep for awhile.

The whole .. making Zendaya proud act was slowly disappearing ... and I knew it. How could I make someone I killed happy ? it wasn't even possible. It's funny how I feel sorry for myself and I'm the one who caused it. I sound like a idiot.

I truly didn't care anymore ... about eating or going outside .. or even .. talking to anyone. God it's been forever since I spoke to someone. But truly I didn't want to. It would make me feel so guilty when they would talk about her ... it would eat me up inside and I couldn't take that.

I really wanted to reach out and talk to my brother , But I couldn't and I wouldn't. I'm only causing this pressure on myself ... How would Zendaya think about this .. she would scold me and tell me to cheer up .. and I would when I saw her smile, sadly ... that smile is gone and it doesn't work.

I hate myself so much .. it un bearable ... I wish I was dead ... I would gladly take the pace of my love... and at this moment I would. I mentally slapped my self ? Really I'm thinking of killing myself. Maybe being in this house all day ... is bad for me .. it brings  back to much memories...

I stand up and walk over to my bedroom ... for the rest of the day I'm sleeping of this burden ...

- It's short yes I  know like I said sorry loves ... but my head hurt's anyway please leave feed back it means a lot -