Missing you (Book One)

Chapter 37 : Just a would of been could of been.~

Light hit my eye, I let out a groan as I felt tear's welling up. Why did I go see Val? I should of known that feeling's were still there. That me and him were in a sensitive place, I should of known just to let it go.. but I knew I couldn't.

I wish I never met him or Jay, I wish I just moved to New York in the first place to become that dancer I always dreamed about. There was always this thing holding me back, and I just realized it.

Love.

Love was holding me back, all my feelings all my thought's what I want to do.. have been on hold for the past four year's of my life. I wanted those year's back, I think any young teenager would. Sadly I can't turn back time.

I can't forget what Val did to me, it still haunted me at night. Late in the hours I dreamed he would walk in and bash my head into the wall yelling at me. It never happened .. it was just some silly dream, that maybe would happen.

Jay was a sweet guy, and I wasn't going to hurt him like I did a long time ago, we were both growing up and he deserves better even if that means him being with Kass. I just want him to move on and be happy, and most of all I want to move on.

I need a fresh start on life on love and mostly on everything that has happened to my life this past year. A new start seemed like the only choice so I'm going for it, no one could stop me.. and If they tried .. sorry for them.

I shuffled in my room, and grabbed my box I used to move in here. I threw all my sock's,shoes.pant's,short's,sweats and shirt's in there. I put my sweaters on top along with my toothbrush and underwear.

I looked around and the room looked so small, it looked horrible.. and I knew .. this would hurt for awhile, but soon it would be gone and I wouldn't seel all this guilt and sadness anymore. I, me Zendaya Coleman would me Free.

I walked out of the room, walking softly not wanting to wake Jay up. Sadly it was too late and he was standing there looking at me, "What is this?" He ask's looking at my box and suitcase in both of my hand's.

"I'm leaving" I say standing my ground, "where back to Val-" "No, New York" I say cutting him off in mid speech. He open's his mouth a bit shock crossing his face, "What why ?" He questions not moving a muscle.

"A new start" I say giving him a weak smile, "I need this Jay ! it's going to be great okay.. i'll be back.. I just don't know when". "You can't, you left me once.. not again .. you can't" He says finally walking over to me.

"I have too" I whisper, feeling my heart pound so fast it could fly. "You can't!" He yells suddenly making me look at him. "I have too!" I yell back, "Forget it ! you can move on... go to Kass Jay.. you love her.. you belong with her".

"No I don't" He says giving me a look, "You do.. I can see it. I'm not dumb Jay,, you guys love each other .. I'm not stopping you" That's when he lost it, "How can you say that ?! I love you it's always been you !".

"Jay, just-" "No I LOVE YOU" He says making me flinch as he yells. He suddenly realizes it and has a worried look on his face, "I'm sorry" He says, "I'm leaving... take care okay ? I believe you can". "You too okay ? Call me and text.. dont forget".

I give him a quick smile and hug him tight. "I couldn't forget" I whisper. We say are goodbyes and i left to the airport. It wasn't so busy so time flew by quick leaving me to think. I pulled out my phone and called Val.

"Hello-"

"listen okay ? just listen. I love you Val I do... more than anyone.. okay ? I really do I love you so fucking much it hurt's ..but I can't be with you right now.. I need time to think.. I'm at the airport.. I'm not telling you where i'm going but i'll be fine okay ? I love you take care please.. I- I forgive you". 

Then I shit the phone quick, my heart was beating super quick. I can't believe I just confessed that... "Next" A lady call's, I walk quickly giving my ticket and pass. She smiles at me and let's me through, I find my seat, it's far in the back.

I put my thing's up and let out a sigh of relief.

A new start, this is so great. I must have passed out or something because when I awoke .. I saw tall building's coming into view, New York.. The city I always loved since I was little, The plane land's and I'm the first one off.

I fly into the airport and down the step's calling for a Taxi. one get's me and I drive to a nearby hotel, I give them my money and smile. Finally.. a new start I can finally breath for once. A smile play's on my lip's as I look around and see thing's.

I walk into the hotel and I'm greeted with warm air. "Hello" A husky voice say's I look up and meet eyes with a guy. "Hi, can I get a room" I ask giving him a look, "sure" He says smiling at me. He hand's me a key and smirk's.

"Let me carry those up for you" He mummers pulling my bag's from me and walking me too my room. I walk past door's seeing people looking at me. Finally he let's me into a room and  smiles at me  "Here" He says handing back my stuff.

"Thanks" I say setting it down, "How much?" I ask pulling out money. "Zero, I just wanted to help a beautiful women like you're self out" And he walks off. I close my door smiling a bit, already missing Val and Jay.

I sit down on the couch, letting out a breath.. here we are.

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Hello, my reader's. this is a big chapter ... in the story too me atleast! i have a few ideas about the ending.. and I have a few ideas about.. a new person joining in this story. I see more Love/Hurt coming aswell. i see more DRAMA~ Anyway .. Want this chapter to be dedicated to you ? Like/Comment!♥ -Till next time.