Shut Up or I'll Kiss You

Kiss of Revenge Ch. 15

Kiss of Revenge Ch. 15: Kiss of Goodbye

Charles' POV:

I was half expecting that she'll be there. But I know she won't. Binuksan ko ang pintuan ng apartment ko and I was welcomed by silence. How can I, after what happened tonight, expect her to stay?

Umupo ako sa sofa at isinandal ang ulo ko. I am exhausted. I closed my eyes to rest but then flashback of tonight's event flooded my thoughts.

I heard Emma's cry. I saw her bleeding. I felt her fears.

I heard RB's questions. I saw her eyes. I felt her pain.

Then, I am nothing.

I opened my eyes and looked down at my hands. It's still stained with blood from the accident. Kung kay Emma ba yun o sa anak namin, hindi ko alam.

I burried my face in my hands as the tears comes back unbidden.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry... I'm sorry." Paulit-ulit kong binibulong. Hoping that by my hopeless plea, I will be forgiven.

Now more than ever, I want RB to be with me. I'd give anything just to feel her arms wrapped around me, holding me as I fall apart. I'd give my life just to hear her say that it's going to be okay. That everything's going to be okay.

But it's not.

I am responsible for my child's death. I am responsible for Emma's miscarriage. And I am responsible for RB's broken heart.

All my life I am the responsible son. I studied rigorously. I worked my ass off. I made sure I'll plow my road through life. I never thought I'd fail being a responsible man.

I stood up, went to the bathroom and took a shower. Washing away physical evidences of my failure and exhaustion.

After that I checked my phone and saw my mom's message that Emma's still resting. They insists for me to go home and take some rest. I took the offer since I know Emma doesn't want me around for now.

I saw her hope melts into pain then boils into anger. I understand. When people get hurt, they need someone to blame to ease the pain. And even I can only blame myself to ease my pain.

Humiga ako sa kama ko with my phone still at my hand. For some reason I found myself dialing RB's number.

The ringing stops. No one spoke. Then I heard her breathe.

"Charles?"

I closed my eyes. Hearing her voice is like taking your first breath after being underwater for so long. She's my safety. She's my sanctuary. My haven.

"Can we meet?" I asked.

There was silence. I waited.

She responds... "No."

Hearing her words is like having someone push your head back under the water in the middle of taking that first breath. The air inside mixing with the unwelcomed waves of water. Drowning. Suffocating.

"Can we at least talk?" I pleaded.

"Sure Charles. We can talk. How is she?" She asked. Her voice unwavering. Emotions unknown. Winter.

"She's fine. She's still resting. She needs to stay to the hospital for a couple of days as per the doctor's advise."

"I see. How about you?"

"I'm..."

I miss you. I'm in need of you. I want to say all those things pero hindi ko magawa. I cannot torture her with my love. Not anymore.

When I did not respond, I heard her sigh then sniff. "Are you crying RB?" tanong ko.

"I'm sorry Charles." I heard her voice crack. I felt that her next words will cut deep.

"Are you breaking up with me babe?" I dare ask.

She did not respond. Patuloy lang siya sa pag-iyak sa kabilang linya. And I'd be damned if I say it's not tearing me apart.

I lost Charly. And now I'm losing RB. Tao lang ako. I can only take so much. And right now, this is too much.

"I have just one last request RB..." I said trying to control myself. Trying to still be a man and be her strength.

"Ano yun?" Tanong niya.

"Meet me. I will not try to change your mind. I just want... to see you for the last time."

"Ok."

I parked in front of a church she instructed me to and she's seating at one of the beches outside, waiting. She's wearing a hoodie jacket and her hands are on the pockets. Her head is casts downward, not sparing me a glance.

I sat beside her. She then raised her head and looked at the shurch in front of us. Her eyes and her nose are red from crying. Gusto ko siyang yakapin, pagaanin ang lahat. But then she looks at me with a will of a strong woman that she is.

"Hindi ako madasaling tao, Charles." She starts. "Pero isa ka sa mga pinagpapasalamat ko sa Kanya. Araw-araw." She said with a smile. "At simula ngayon, araw-araw din akong hihingi ng tawad sa Kanya dahil sa nangyari." The a tear fell down her cheek as sadness erases that beatiful smile.

"Your daughter.

Emma.

You.

Me.

We don't deserve this. This pain. This heart ache. This lost." She shook her head and another tear falls, followed ny another one... and another one.

"So I'd be doing what I should've done before. We're both damaged souls now. We can't heal each other together."

Her tears keeps on falling. I can't help myself so I pulled her into me and hold her. She cried on my shirt. My tears, silent, fall down on top of her head.
My eyes closed. As much as I am hurting with what I'm hearing. She's right. God, she's right. I just prayed, that if ever God is watching us, He'll forgive us.

"I love you." I whispered. Then I kiss her forehead. I feel her close her eyes for our last kiss.

She then stood up and looked down at me. She wipes her tears like a child. "Let's learn to forgive ourselves." She bend over and left a soft kiss on my lips and started walking away.

As I watch her go, I remember the first time we met. Her shoulder-length hair swaying around. Her face beautiful with that smile.. and her skin just glowing.

Now, looking at her as she leaves with her head down and the skies dark as the night time approaches, I can only see the damage I've inflected on her. She does have my heart. But I took her soul.

ooOooOooOoo

O.N:
Don't kill me. I'm already dead.

xoxo