'Best KH/FF/Others Story' Competition Judgment Book

Round Two: "Survival" by WhispersOfTomorrow

~~**~~**~~**~~**~~**~~**~~**~~**~~**~~**~~**~~**~~**~~**

Survival

~~**~~**~~**~~**~~**~~**~~**~~**~~**~~**~~**~~**~~**~~**

Final Verdict:

Spelling and Grammar (5): 5

Character Portrayals and Story Canon (15): 13

Writing [Dialogue, description, etc.] (20): 19

Plot (30): 26

Fan Votes (10): ??? (There are none, so I'll just do a percentage with the things you DO have)  

Judges Vote (20): 17

Total: 80/90= 89% 

~~**~~**~~**~~**~~**~~**~~**~~**~~**~~**~~**~~**~~**~~**

Spelling and Grammar (5): 5

Character Portrayals and Story Canon (15): 13

Writing [Dialogue, description, etc.] (20): 18

Plot (30): 27

Fan Votes (10): ?? 

Judges Vote (20): 16

Total: 79/90= 88% 

Additional Comments: You're gonna have to give me like nine years to collect my thoughts because I'm still reeling over that ending. Good Lord. Oh my freaking- I can't even. I'm seriously freaking out but you should be proud b/c out in a good way. Ok. Ok, lemme start from the top and work down b/c that'll give me some time not to lose my mind. I like your style, I mean the story flows well in the sense that it isn't too fast or slow. Honestly, I have no real critiques. Anything I say at this point would literally just be nitpicking and I'm not going to do that. Now to that ending you get a round of applause. Words don't begin to describe how much I love cliffhangers like that. Writing them, of course, is a lot more fun than suffering from them but I digress. I have not read the next chapter yet to see if you really did kill the guy, but I have this feeling that you didn't. Mostly b/c I don't see a lot of people killing off one of the main guys like that. Although, I wouldn't have minded if you did. I mean don't get me wrong the guy we're talking about here I love him and I'd be suffering for days after reading it, but it would've had a huge impact. You feel? I don't know. I just think it would've been an interesting thing to read and see. Now, I also have to yell at you for posting past the chapter we're judging b/c I yelled at someone else for doing it. I mean I understand wanting to continue posting, but it's kind of a punch in the face to us judges. We read and critique your writing to help so any tips we give you now we expect to see used in the next chapter. If you've already posted the next chapter then what's the point of our tips? I would just make sure that after you read all our reviews you go back and edit your already posted chapters accordingly.

~~**~~**~~**~~**~~**~~**~~**~~**~~**~~**~~**~~**~~**~~**

Spelling and Grammar (5): 5

Character Portrayals and Story Canon (15): 13

Writing [Dialogue, description, etc.] (20): 20

Plot (30): 25

Fan Votes (10): ??? 

Judges Vote (20): 18

Total: 81/90= 90%

Additional Comments: Oh god, holy shit, that ending. Damn. I mean, I'm not really that worried cuz I don't think you could very well kill of a key character like that, but still. (hah, KEY character...because, you know...keys.) Anyway, I really like the mix of plot, action, and emotion. A lot is going on, but it somehow feels balanced. I also appreciate the amount of ~~~~~~'s insight that we get, like event happens, you give a description, then we get her two cents to put it into perspective. It's especially nice with her being a good guy in disguise...though I must admit, being in the position she's in, at the very end I'm kind of surprised that she was close to crying. Like hella awful or no, she'd need to save face, and it's obviously not the first time this has happened, so even though it might never get easy for her to watch, I also just kinda think she'd be better at hiding it. But that's just my opinion, and you're doing well enough on your own that I'm sure you can decide for yourself if you want to follow my advice to toughen her up or not. Great job though! I'm really looking forward to the next chappy.