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[Name]: The One With The Dragon
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The Final Verdict:
Spelling and Grammar (5): 2.2
Character Portrayals and Story Canon (15): 7.8
Writing [Dialogue, description, etc] (20): 8.5
Plot (30): 9.8
Fan Votes [should be the same for every judge] (10) 8
Judges Vote (20): 8.
Total: 44.3
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Individual judges votes and comments
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Spelling and Grammar (5): 2
Character Portrayals and Story Canon (15): 7
Writing [Dialogue, description, etc] (20): 10
Plot (30): 15
Fan Votes [should be the same for every judge] (10): 8
Judges Vote (20): 12
Total: 54
Additional Comments: (Lurked in the darkest cave, not the most darkest of caves. If no one knows she kept the dragon, why has she been shunned? And if she’s now known as the one with the dragon...then they definitely know about her having the dragon.) You seem to be getting your tenses messed up in your writing, like “[Name] has left a few days ago” “She found a cave….she sets up camp.” Like you flip flop between past and present tense. Also why is 'spit' in quotation marks? And Inhumane and inhuman are two VERY different things.
Also, while I having nothing against samurai and dragons, I don’t see how you are going to incorporate the other KH/FF characters into this story. It seems like [Name] has now become a wanderer with a frickin dragon tailing her, you know? Unless she is going to be able to leave the dragon in the woods, pop into a town and meet some people, I’m not sure how else she would be able to get close to anyone. I mean maybe you have a plan, and a plot planned out for the future that will allow her to meet some people, I just really don’t see a place for any other characters in this story. You also didn’t give us any sense of who [name] is. She barely said a word, didn’t really interact with anyone, and was basically just a blob. Why is she a samurai? Why is she trying to be a dragon hunter? Is she sad she has to leave her village? Is having a dragon worth not having a home? Who knows, because [Name] couldn’t be bothered to express any kind of emotion.
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Spelling and Grammar (5): 2
Character Portrayals and Story Canon (15): 7
Writing [Dialogue, description, etc] (20): 8
Plot (30): 8
Fan Votes [should be the same for every judge] (10) 8
Judges Vote (20): 7
Total: 40
Additional Comments: You lost me at the very first sentence- no wait, I didn’t even get through the first sentence. I lost it after the first four words. Okay, who uses the word “murky” to describe anything other than swamps or cataracts? That’s certainly not how’d I’d describe the shade of green that trees display, and if I were ever to encounter trees like those, I’d run away. Far away. You also switch tenses a lot, which is a common error but it’s easily noticeable and can be fixed if you just went back and proofread. Yeah, everyone’s busy. But before publishing something to be reviewed by the public eye, at least read through it once. I’m sure you can spare a minute or two to check for errors and fix them. And um… why did you put quotation marks around “spit?” What, was it technically a drool that you decided to call a spit? Yeah, no. Also, DIALOGUE. Whenever you end a line of dialogue and have “he/she/it said/proclaimed/etc.,” following a period, end the speech with a comma. Please. For my sanity, PLEASE. I’m just not feeling this story, bro. The fight scene was lacking and really just took away from everything else. Truth be told, I wouldn’t read the next parts if someone paid me to do it.
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'Best KH/FF/Others Story' Competition Judgment Book
FanfictionWhere all results, feedback, comments, judges input, and scores will be posted. If you're in this competition, this book is your lifeline. It's how you can connect with the judges, the other writers, and the other stories.
