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Fallout
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The Final Verdict:
Spelling and Grammar (5): 4
Character Portrayals and Story Canon (15): 9.6
Writing [Dialogue, description, etc] (20): 14.2
Plot (30): 21.2
Fan Votes [should be the same for every judge] (10): 9.8
Judges Vote (20): 12.6
Total: 71.4
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Individual judges votes and comments
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Spelling and Grammar (5): 5
Character Portrayals and Story Canon (15): 10
Writing [Dialogue, description, etc] (20): 18
Plot (30): 20
Fan Votes [should be the same for every judge] (10): 9.8
Judges Vote (20): 15
Total:77.8
Additional Comments: This was a good setup for a story, I just kinda wish that you gave a little more to go on as far as what’s going on. I mean I get that it’s the first part and you just wanted to give us a taste, but still. It’s hard to know how I feel about this because most of it was so purposely vague. I know it’ll come together in the next chapters, but I was kind of looking forward to at least getting some of the questions answered. Without those answers, it just feels like I read about someone sitting in a room all confused for 2 pages. The last sentence was a nice touch though, and I am curious to see who it is at the door.
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Spelling and Grammar (5): 3
Character Portrayals and Story Canon (15): 9
Writing [Dialogue, description, etc] (20): 11
Plot (30): 20
Fan Votes [should be the same for every judge] (10) 9.8
Judges Vote (20): 11
Total: 63.8
Additional Comments: You have a pretty dark and interesting plot going on here, but there were quite a few spelling and grammatical errors that took away from what you had going for you. Please get your “your” and “you’re”s straight, and you switched tenses a few times. Those can be easily fixed with a little bit of proofreading.
The “kicked in the batteries part” literally made me let out a small “tch.” Were you trying to sound funny? Because dear, it didn’t work, and you just came off as a child who was too afraid to say the actual phrase because it was “improper.” “Batteries” isn’t even a proper replacement for “balls” or “nuts.” Guys don’t run on their… you knows.
That creepy part at the end about the eye staring back at the reader, though. What the actual fuck. Nope. Nope. Kill it with fire.
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Spelling and Grammar (5): 4
Character Portrayals and Story Canon (15): 8
Writing [Dialogue, description, etc] (20): 14
Plot (30): 20
Fan Votes [should be the same for every judge] (10) 9.8
Judges Vote (20): 11
Total: 66.8
Additional Comments: Again, I don’t really have much to say about this, and, again, it’s a good thing, honestly, it is! The spelling and Grammar was fine, just watch yourself when it comes to proper usage of words, but it’s not that big of a deal, I gave you an 8 on character portrayals and story canon as, even though there are no KH/FF characters around, you still don’t give us much of anything about the reader, you just tell us that she’s dazed and confused and in a room, naked, with nothing at all. The writing was pretty good, but that “kicked in the batteries” line just made me cringe a little. Honestly, I just don’t really like it when people “blur out” something like that. I mean, that’s not the only reason why the writing was deducted, of course! Anyway, this seems like an interesting story so far and I am curious about the one who put a naked girl in a room and is now looking in, considering that that sort of situation is compromising and makes me wonder who did this, why do this...and why the fuck is she naked and if anything happened at all. All in all, I think that this is a good story.
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Spelling and Grammar (5): 4
Character Portrayals and Story Canon (15): 10
Writing [Dialogue, description, etc] (20): 13
Plot (30): 20
Fan Votes [should be the same for every judge] (10) 9.8
Judges Vote (20): 9.2
Total: 66
Additional Comments: This was a pretty good thriller style story. It did what it had to in setting the mood without necessarily going so far that I wanted to slap a bitch.
Little things like your and you’re to watch out for grammatically, not killer point deductions, but they were slight. There were a few sentences where things didn’t exactly flow perfectly either.
The plot pulls you in with a bit of mystery, but I still have no idea where exactly the plot is really going to go. Shit’s gonna get fucked up somewhere in between- yea? Always a fun time I suppose. Though that little cliffhanger- nice touch friend. A lot of questions bouncing around~
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Spelling and Grammar (5): 4
Character Portrayals and Story Canon (15): 11
Writing [Dialogue, description, etc] (20):11
Plot (30): 22
Fan Votes [should be the same for every judge] (10) 9.8
Judges Vote (20): 11
Total:68.8
Additional Comments: You did good, friend. You did good. I like where it’s going so far, and that ending with the eye? Listen, I’m a sucker for creepy cliffhangers. I did catch the batteries reference but only b/c I’ve seen Madagascar 2 with my little sister. My suggestion is to use more popular references that way people can catch onto them easier. Other than that, I don't have much else to say as of now. You caught my attention, now keep it going and blow me away with the first chapter.
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Spelling and Grammar (5): 4.
Character Portrayals and Story Canon (15): 10.
Writing [Dialogue, description, etc] (20): 18.
Plot (30): 25.
Fan Votes [should be the same for every judge] (10) 9.8
Judges Vote (20): 18.
Total: 84.8
Additional Comments: Oh good heavens I was not expecting the F bomb to be dropped in the description. I can’t stop laughing. It really caught me off guard. xDD. And I love it. Haha! I have no idea why, but I already seem to really like your main character. Signs of rebellion, I am guessing? Bravery. Courage. Obviously thoughts about what the hell is going on around her. Ya know, things you would expect if someone woke up in an unfamiliar place. As for the writing and the description. It was pretty good. And that’s a good pretty good not just a ‘eh, it was pretty good’ kinda good. Some descriptions can be worked on. And plot wise. I am actually excited as to figure out what the HELL is going on. I mean, why was everything disastrous when her and the man were fighting? Why was she locked away? WHO DID THE EYE BELONG TO THAT SHE SAW AT THE END THROUGH THE KEYHOLE? AGH. I want more, and I am actually excited for this. I have high hopes for this. Do not screw this up. I am begging you.
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'Best KH/FF/Others Story' Competition Judgment Book
FanfictionWhere all results, feedback, comments, judges input, and scores will be posted. If you're in this competition, this book is your lifeline. It's how you can connect with the judges, the other writers, and the other stories.
