The Circle
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The Final Verdict
Spelling and Grammar (5): 3.9
Character Portrayals and Story Canon (15): 12.1
Writing [Dialogue, description, etc] (20): 15.8
Plot (30): 24.5
Fan Vote (10): 9
Judge's Vote (20): 16.8
Total: 82.1
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Spelling and Grammar (5): 4
Character Portrayals and Story Canon (15): 9
Writing [Dialogue, description, etc.] (20): 15
Plot (30): 20
Fan Votes (10): 9
Judges Vote (20): 20
Total: 77
Additional Comments: While I really love the parameter of this story (all the powers and how they fit with all the characters; Xion being forgotten is perfect by the way), some things just feel a little...off to me as far as where you're taking things. Like all the mutants were rounded up and taken to a super secret island....not to be used and exploited for their powers, not to be trained into becoming an army of superkillers, not for some kind of mutant concentration camp, not for a school to teach them to use their powers...but for mundane work? I mean maybe I'm wrong and you have something planned that we just can't see yet, but so far I feel a little underwhelmed. No one is fighting to get home, resisting, or even really giving it a thought. Everyone is just kinda like 'Welp. This is my life now. Oh well. Hope I don't get stuck with janitorial work!"
Also, I have to take off some points for there only being one other character besides [Name] in there. I mean there was mention of Namine, but still. I get that you're still setting everything up, but we're two chapters in and only know one other character. Other than that, your writing consists of very short, simple sentences that make it a little tedious to read sometimes. For example, in the paragraph describing the woman who was speaking to the group in the auditorium, you broke up her description into 4 different short sentences when you could have easily just made it a long complex sentence. It's really not that big of a deal, and probably no one else would ever notice it, but it's a pet peeve of mine because it interrupts the flow of the reading, so I thought I may as well say something.
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Spelling and Grammar (5): 4
Character Portrayals and Story Canon (15): 12
Writing [Dialogue, description, etc.] (20): 18
Plot (30): 28
Fan Votes (10):9
Judges Vote (20): 19
Total: 90
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'Best KH/FF/Others Story' Competition Judgment Book
FanfictionWhere all results, feedback, comments, judges input, and scores will be posted. If you're in this competition, this book is your lifeline. It's how you can connect with the judges, the other writers, and the other stories.
