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Destati
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The Final Verdict:
Spelling and Grammar (5): 4.5
Character Portrayals and Story Canon (15): 10.4
Writing [Dialogue, description, etc] (20): 18.6
Plot (30): 30
Fan Votes [should be the same for every judge] (10): 9.9
Judges Vote (20): 19
Total: 92.4
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Individual judges votes and comments
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Spelling and Grammar (5): 5
Character Portrayals and Story Canon (15): 10
Writing [Dialogue, description, etc] (20): 20
Plot (30): 30
Fan Votes [should be the same for every judge] (10): 9.9
Judges Vote (20): 18
Total: 92.9
Additional Comments: I can’t get the image out of my head of Sora sitting on the floor crying out, “Everything I touch diesssss!” T~T xDDD. Ahhhh, anyway. I get what you were doing with this introductory chapter being like, an origin story where he’s still a baby...But we don’t get to see what kind of story it will be either. Like is it a reader insert? Is it told from Sora’s perspective or someone elses? Is it just going to have an omniscient 3rd person narrator? Hell, is it a love story, an action story, adventure, dystopian drama? You just left me with some questions in the more ‘whattami readin’ here?’ department. But I’m sure all of that will be sorted out quickly (like next chapter quickly). I also really like the originality of the idea, and I really appreciate it that it’s Sora who has the strange but weird ‘power/curse’, not ~~~~~~, [Y/N], (Name) or whatever you want to call the typically souped up Mary Sue these stories normally centre around. I’m really excited to see what you do here with this plot!
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Spelling and Grammar (5): 4.3
Character Portrayals and Story Canon (15): 12
Writing [Dialogue, description, etc] (20): 18
Plot (30): 30
Fan Votes [should be the same for every judge] (10) 9.9
Judges Vote (20): 20
Total: 94.2
Additional Comments: I LOVE the idea that Sora breaks everything he touches, that sounds so fun! Not for Sora, and I’m probably going to regret saying that in the near future, but for now I think that it’s cool! But, there were some grammatical and spelling errors, which I don’t really need to comment on, you just missed an apostrophe or two. As for the story itself, I don’t get how putting dear baby Sora in a basically broken incubator is going to help any. And, even though there aren’t even any Canon characters really, Mama Strife is actually kind of on point, especially considering the short amount of time she was on in FFVII. Really, I don’t have many other problems, so, that’s going to be all from me!
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Spelling and Grammar (5): 4.3
Character Portrayals and Story Canon (15): 10
Writing [Dialogue, description, etc] (20): 17
Plot (30): 30
Fan Votes [should be the same for every judge] (10) 9.9
Judges Vote (20): 20
Total: 91.2
Additional Comments: Definitely a great and interesting start to what’s going to be an awesome story. High points all around. The major thing that I had to deduct points on with this story is simply the narration. I think that a better Point of View would probably have been a lot better for the birthing scene, and here’s the logic behind that. When she lifts her child, that is supposed to be terror and panic that we’re experiencing right alongside her. The narration is almost slightly detached and the description doesn’t give me the sense of panic. Even with the mother screaming about her baby being put in a fragile incubator- the narration and the use of present tense writing throws me off slightly in this scene. I think third person narration usually just has this effect though.
A bit of nitpicking on me maybe, but there’s also the scene after her arms- THERE WAS A CRACKING NOISE. CRACKING. And she is given pain medication before another doctor comes in to break the bad news. Yet while conversing with the other doctor she is completely calm, maybe in shock, but I can’t believe that a woman that just GAVE BIRTH, and had her arms break (?) would be able to speak properly at this point, unless medicine is really fuckin’ advanced at this point.
As another note too, with the whole ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING being breakable simply with poor Sora’s presence- wouldn’t even the ground start to break beneath his feet? I just suppose it was the immediate wording that threw me off with that tidbit, but I believe you’ve got a plan.
The storyline does well with pulling in the attention, it’s a unique idea and the fact that it’s affecting one of our canon babies is something most wouldn’t have done- so kudos on you. It’s a fabulous job overall though! I’m really curious as to how this affects poor Sora and who’s behind that tech malfunction in the beginning. Keep up the awesome work and kick some ass!
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Spelling and Grammar (5): 5
Character Portrayals and Story Canon (15): 13
Writing [Dialogue, description, etc] (20): 20
Plot (30): 30
Fan Votes [should be the same for every judge] (10) 9.9
Judges Vote (20): 18
Total: 95.9
Additional Comments: This is gonna be good. The idea behind it has me intrigued. I don't know what direction you plan to take this in, but I’m excited to find out. That little beginning section where everything went nutzo pulled me in immediately. The fact that Sora is the main character makes me that much more excited. One would expect that the reader or some OC would have this disease, but you took the original path so I applaud you. I honestly don't have much else to say. You got me hooked, keep it up.
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Spelling and Grammar (5): 4.
Character Portrayals and Story Canon (15): 7.
Writing [Dialogue, description, etc] (20): 18.
Plot (30): 30.
Fan Votes [should be the same for every judge] (10) 9.9
Judges Vote (20): 19.
Total: 87.9.
Additional Comments: I noticed a few little grammar issues throughout the piece, but trust me, it was nothing that stumped my reading! Character portrayals and story canon is a semi low score simply because no KH/FF characters were introduced other than “Mrs. Strife”, the doctor and who I am guessing is little baby Sora because of the description of the story. I already have a soft spot for the mother, though. So I give a little extra points for that! Honestly your writing, the dialogue and the description, to me, was some of the best we have seen in this competition so far. Everything flowed, I didn’t lose focus and I was really drawn in. Easy points for the plot. Having characters born with a disease that they break everything they touch and have no control over is something original, and that is exactly what we are looking for in this competition. Not to mention, you’ve drawn me into the story as I want to learn more about this disease and just how an individual will deal with it. I know I more than likely wouldn’t be able to handle it. I really don’t have any complaints with this story. It’s original, different, intriguing. I am looking forward to future chapters. Don’t let me down!
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'Best KH/FF/Others Story' Competition Judgment Book
FanfictionWhere all results, feedback, comments, judges input, and scores will be posted. If you're in this competition, this book is your lifeline. It's how you can connect with the judges, the other writers, and the other stories.
