Fifteen Grace

FG - 45

FIFTEEN

"I'm dying, Fifteen." Napakapit ako sa kanyang kinauupuan, biglang nanghina ang tuhod ko. Napaka-kaswal ng kanyang tinig nang binitawan niya ang mga salitang 'yon. Na para bang tanggap na niya ang kahahantungan niya. Matagal na ba niya 'tong nililihim sa mga anak niya? O baka naman ay binibiro lang niya ako?

"Palabiro po pala kayo, ano po?" I instead choose the latter. He really might joking me.

"How I wish I'm just joking," Bumaba ang tingin ko sa'king kamay na kanyang pinisil nang marahan.

Now, I'm speechless. He has a severe cancer and none of his family knows? Lumingon ako sa loob ng bahay nila kung saan nakita ko ang magkapatid na Ho na nakangiting nakikipag-usap sa Mommy nila, maya-maya pa'y nag-group hug na sila. Sweet. They're sweet. I suddenly missed my Mom. Natalia and I usually do that.

"I just don't want to ruin their happiness," malungkot niyang sambit habang pinagmamasdan sila. "Both of my sons are happy and ready to settle down."

"But we're not -"

"I know, I know," he said, cutting me off, "but I sense you'll end up together." He winks at me. "What can I ask for? All of the things I am wishing for them came true. I don't want to wreck the genuine smile from their lips." He looks up at me. "This," tukoy niya sa kanyang sitwasyon. "This is just God's process of getting me back."

Ho Brothers were not aware of their Father's condition, while me - I am not even his daughter or somehow related to him - knows what he is going into? I can only come up with one word by analyzing this situation. Unfair. This is unfair for them.

"Lot of things will happen to you and Shinichi - bad and good - that I am sure. You just have to be strong by gripping the ropes tight. Don't let him go. I saw the way he looks at you," nangingiti niyang sabi, "like you're the only woman in this home. I saw the way he worried about you - he cares for you, he loves you. I never saw him like that before and seeing both of you gives me peace." Tumingin siya sa'kin nang diretso, bumilis lalo ang pagtibok ng puso ko. "Promise me Fifteen, don't tell this to the brothers," seryoso niyang banggit. "Or mention anything related."

Nanlabo ang mga mata ko sa nagbabadyang pagtulo ng luha. Heto na naman. Lihim. Kaya ko bang maglihim kay Shinichi? Muli? Nangako kami sa isa't-isa na hindi magtatago ng kahit ano. Kaya ko bang basagin ang pangakong 'yon para sa kahilingan ng Daddy niya?

"I..." alanganin kong simula. Hindi ko alam kung ano'ng sasabihin ko. Hindi ko alam kung paano ko tatapusin ang pangungusap ko. I can only think of Shinichi and list of the reactions I might get the moment he learns this. God, I am torn, help me.

I gaze at the old man, the desperation that is secretly hiding - but I know screaming - behind his eyes did me. "Promise." Mariin kong ipinikit ang aking mga mata. "Promise," ulit ko pa. Nabitawan ko na ang salitang maari kong mabali o maari kong matupad.

"Thank you, dear," he exhaled in relief. "That means a lot to me." I can't help myself not to embrace him. I am on the verge of crying and this old man needs an assurance so I freely wrap my arms on the back of his neck. I can't believe this. I can't believe that from this moment I will be hiding something essential to Shinichi.

"Hush, my dear." Pilit kong nginitian ang daddy niya habang pinupunasan ang luha ko.

"Who else knows about your condition?" Tanong ko kinalaunan.

"My doctor, my wife and you." So, it's just us. If I only did not see him writhing in pain, I wouldn't be in this kind of situation - ugh, I am having bad thoughts. This is not good. I understand Mr. Ho's end. I just wish he would tell his sons the same. Whether he hides his sickness for the longest time he can muster, the truth will still prevail, eventually.