Teenage Advice

Are They Your True Friends?

Hi!! I just wanted to tell you that your advice book is great! It's really helping me! I'm 14 years old, and I'm in my last year of.. Let's call it middle school. I worship God, so I go to a Catholic school. (Basically the same thing as Christian, I think the only difference is you don't worship Mary and the other saints? Sorry if I'm incorrect) you'd think since it's a school of worship, we'd be friendly, but we're really not. I've gone to the same school my entire life, and I have friends I've know for over 7 years here. Every year had been amazing for me, until 6th grade. It was really bad. I was separated from all of my friends and we all grew apart. In 7th grade, we were put back into the same class, but there was so much drama with boys and dating, it's was completely overwhelming. I felt so irrelevant, like no one would care if I died. I ended up developing a disorder called dependant personality disorder. It basically means that I get attached to people, and I panic and cry for hours if I feel like they're going to leave me. I craved the feeling of being needed. I did have amazing friends though. But this summer, I hadn't contacted any of them at all, out of pure laziness. It's was such a bad idea. Now that we're back (it's the second day since our return) they all have inside jokes with each other, and I get the feeling that they all hung out behind my back, and secretly talk about me. My 'best friend' is barely talking to me now. I saved her life back in 7th. She was suicidal, and I helped her through it, I was always there for her. But she doesn't want to talk to me now. She always was an attention seeker.. I'm in a different class then my friends again, to make things worse, the only girl that's in my class and I have terrible history. I'm feeling very anxious and self conscious, please help!!

Dear Anxious,

Around 6th, 7th, and 8th grade the same thing happened to me and my four friends, let's call them Grace Hope and Joy. Grace was really into cheer and made a lot of 'preppy' friends that thought I was unpopular, quiet, and weird. Soon enough Grace ditched me.

Then Hope. She is the type of person who only cares what people think and is extremely materialistic. She noticed that I wasn't friends with the people she was friends with and decided that they were cooler than me... Lastly I had Joy.

My best friend in the world...we were the type of best friends you read about and see on TV, basically sisters. She ended up ditching me because we had different classes and we ended up being in different cliches.

During this time of loosing my three best friends I met tons of people that I shared classes with, and became friends with some of their friends.

Four years later and I am still best friends with Hope, Joy and Grace.

I told them that I felt like we were growing apart and it was killing me inside and they told me they felt the same way. I would cry a lot and I was overall unhappy. My friends understood, and we have all really tried to stay close through out Junior High and High School. We all realized that we are true friends and that at the end of the day, we are all there for eachother.

If you tell your friends how you feel and they don't feel that same way, they're probably not you true friends..

Find different friends if you need to. It doesn't even have to be a girl, you can make friends with boys too! Like you said the only girl in your class you have a history with. You don't have to be friends with her, pick another kid!

You also need to sit down with your mom and explain to her what's going on. My mom has helped me through a lot of tough times in my life. She had a rough childhood, and almost died during a surgery a few years ago, so she has dealt with PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) and Anxiety. She was there for me all the time when I was going through tough times. If you sit down with your mom, no distractions, no phones, no people, and make it where she doesn't a limited amount of time to listen. Tell her about what's going on with your friends kinda how you explained to me, and tell her about you anxiety.

Basically just tell everyone how you're feeling and be calm about, don't yell, don't cry angrily, etc. I hope this helps you! You'll get through this's!

-Abby 🍕