From The Start

49

Candice

Lately I haven't been myself and I figured Nathan sensed it too. I loved the fact that he always use to peer over my shoulder with his arms around my waist and his voice in a whisper, concerned about my mood. I didn't know what got into me that day I stormed out of the lunch room, but after I heard Nathan running behind me, things escalated far from normal.

"Baby wait," I heard him call. Once I gave him time to catch up, we both exited and sat at the bench near the door. "We need to pull through what ever, this is." He signaled his hands between us to indicate our relationship and I couldn't help but look down. We told each other just about everything and I even shared my diary about Tristan. However, there was still boundaries blocking us off from one another.

"Nate, I've said just about everything possible. I think we are at that awkward stage in our relationship now." I suggested with my eyes still down. I couldn't get trapped in those eyes of his. We would never be able to talk if I did.

"Candice Moore, do you know how much I love you?" He spoke up with confidence and grabbed a hold of my hand before I could grasp the right words to speak. He didn't give me time to answer. "I love you more than life anything. I know it sounds corny as alqays, but I'm just that type of guy. I've grown to know you as the beautiful girl that you are and how much you've made me experience the vulnerable sides of you." I felt a, but coming on. "But I feel you're hiding something from me." There it was!

I rose up from my seat and freed myself from his hold.

"What can I possibly hide from you?" He pushed a button.

"I don't know. That's why I asked." He looked up into my eyes intensely.

"I can't believe you're doing this right now." I threw defense by doing the one thing that made me feel safe and secure. I folded my arms and a slew of attitude followed?

"All I asked was a simple question." He sighed and took a long pause. "I want us to work baby. I really do, but if there is something you aren't telling me then I have to know. I want to take this past high school, to the next level." He was saying too much at once. I felt a tug in my gut.

"Babe, what's the rush?" I added once he was finished.

"No rush. We're pushing a year baby." At the moment, I notice the eagerness in his eyes and felt that he wanted something else besides my honesty.

"Nathan, is it sex that you want from me?" I spilled out a bit too bluntly. His eyes widened, as if they would fall out of his head.

"I can't believe you just said that." He flew up to meet close our distance and reached to touch my cheek.

"Well, I see the eagerness and I find it strange that you never asked about it. Like you're up to something,"

"You're talking crazy now. I would never pressure you or ask you to do anything you don't want to. Did you prefer I be a jerk and make you uncomfortable? You know I am not that guy." His words weezled its way into my head and I felt his hurt. I myself agreed I was talking crazy, but I had to test him to make sure we were on the same page when it came to the pace of our relationship.

"How do I know your not that guy deep down inside." I was pushing it at this point, feeling Nathan become cold and his hands retracted from my face.

"Candy, I've told you every detail about me, I am honest. Why would I become that guy, especially with you?" His voice dropped. "I love you." Was all he said.

He suddenly pulled me into a tight hug and I felt horrible for badgering him. I knew he didn't just want sex. He gave me love and compassion and all he wanted was the same, reciprocated

"I'm sorry," I whimpered in his shirt and we stood quietly until to bell went off and I knew what was to come.

We separated...

After we split up, we hadn't gotten a chance to tie the remaining loose ends.
Our schedule was jam packed with school and midterms and we only spoke through quick text messages and five minute conversation over the phone.

I missed seeing him, touching him and his kisses.

Prom was around the corner and I hadn't realized how quickly time flew, once everything fell into place.

My life was shaping before my eyes and I was too busy on the field playing catch up, when Nathan already had his priorities straight and I on the other hand was an a never ending. Road of construction.

I had even discovered the revelation that I had this underlying jealous for Nathan's life! The idea that his future was set, his family all together...

The tremendous amount of investment everyone placed in him. He without a doubt had it together and I felt the insecurity creep in.

I didn't feel good enough.