Tweak: *munching on her finger nails.*
Barnacles: finger out of your mouth.
Tweak: but-
Barnacles: you already have an prosthetic nail do you want another one?
Tweak: fine..
——————-
Barnacles: There are some things beyond our understanding. We must accept them and learn from them. Because these moments of crisis are also potential moments of faith. A time, when we either come together or fall apart. Nature always has a way of balancing itself. The only question is, what part will we play?
Inkling: did you just make that up?
Barnacles: no, I just read a fortune cookie..
barnacles: a really- really long fortune cookie.
——————-
Tired Kwazii: CAPTAIN!! This soup is flaccid.
Barnacles: LITERALLY WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT MEAN?!!!
——————
Barnacles: I'm a firm believer in "if you're going to fail, you might as well fail spectacularly."
——————
Barnacles: Peso we need to talk.
Peso: I know-
Barnacles: oh ok good because I don't know how to explain it.
—————-
Barnacles: Tweak just said, "I have an appetite for destruction," and then they reached down and untied my shoe.
Barnacles: And I have no idea what to do about it. She's running around untying shoes.
——————
Barnacles: Now then, what do you call disobeying the law?
The Octonauts: a hobby
Barnacles: *crosses arms*
The Octonauts: that we do not engage in..
Kwazii, tweak: We do!
——————-
*In a horror movie situation*
Barnacles: I've got no service in my phone here. I'm going to check around for another phone.
Tweak: Shoot, my battery just died.... *pulls out a whole took kit out of nowhere*
Kwazii, kicking a hammer away: Sorry guys, I just broke my phone with a hammer.
Shellington: guys, my book is a phone.
——————-
Barnacles: Stop setting things on fire because you're curious about what will happen. What will happen is fire.
Tunip, holding lighter and flan: but what if something different happens just this one time..
—————-
Barnacles: I have a bad feeling about this...
Shellington: what do you mean?
Barnacles: do you ever get that little voice in your head that tells you something bad is going to happen?
Kwazii: nope.
Barnacles: that explains SO much.
—————
Barnacles: remember what I told you
Tweak: don't be a cunt?
Barnacles: NO
—————-
Dashi: What's something you guys are better than Barnacles at?
Kwazii: Mario Kart.
Tweak: yeah, video games.
Peso: Emotional Vulnerability.
——————-
Inkling, watching tweak and Kwazii panic: what's going on?
Barnacles: tweak is having a midlife crisis, Kwazii is just having a crisis.
——————-
Barnacles: What can therapy do for me that screaming in my gup for 30 minutes can't?
——————
(Random extras)
Tweak: I take the hammer, and I "fix" the fucked up computer. :D
—————
Shellington: I am an expert in identifying birds!
Tweak: ok, what are those ones flying over there?
Shellington: yep! Those are definitely birds!
—————
Grouber: hey dad! Can I get some ice cream?
Shellington: ok, but only a scoop!
Grouber: *proceeds to pull out a comically large spoon*
————-
Natquik: I'm the smartest, wisest person in this group.
Tweak: Really? Then why is your hand stuck in a vending machine?
Natquik: I paid for my Mars Bar, I'm getting my Mars Bar.
—————
Tweak: what is love?
Pearl: an emotional minefield
Shellington: a neurochemical reaction
Kwazii: baby don't hurt me
—————
Tweak: who the fuck added me to a fucking group chat?
Dashi: >:0 Language!
Peso: yeah watch your fucking language
Kwazii: WHO TAUGHT PESO THE FUCK WORD??
Tweak: "the fuck word"
Inkling: are you stupid? You guys say the f word all the time!
Tweak: he censored it
Kwazii: say fuck, inkling
Tweak: do it, inkling. Say fuck.
—————-
Tweak: everyone synchronize your watches
Periwinkle: idk how to do that
Pearl: I don't wear a watch
Shellington: time is a construct.
—————-
Kwazii: When will Ted himself...finally show up to the talk?
Tweak: The final boss.
Shellington: You guys know TEDtalks stands for technology, entertainment, and design talks, right?
Kwazii: I will not let Ted hide behind these lies any longer!
————-
Koshi: *sees Kwazii and tweak together, literally beating the shit out of eachother.*
Koshi: they're cute, I'd put them on a boat.
Dashi: you mean you ship... them?
—————
Kwazii: I'm going to get myself some soup.
Tweak: Be careful not to burn yourself, it's hot.
Kwazii: Pfft, I won't burn myself.
*30 seconds later*
Kwazii, entering the room: I burned myself.
——————
Shellington: Hi, could I ask how exactly does one accidentally set a lemon on fire??
Kwazii: Microwave for 40 minutes. 😔
Peso: Why were you microwaving a lemon???
Kwazii: I read boiling lemons helps cover up up bad smells (I wanted to cover up the scent of burnt oranges) but I didn't own any pots.
Tweak: Did you burn an orange too? How???
Kwazii: Microwave for 40 minutes. 😔
—————
Shellington: My stomach growled super loud in French.
Shellington: I would like to clarify, my stomach did not speak in French. It growled during French class.
Kwazii: Bonjour.
Tweak: Le growl.
Dashi: Hon hon hon, feed me a baguette.
———————-
Shellington: Can I get a waffle?
Tweak and Kwazii: *beating the shit out of eachother, AGAIN.*
Shellington: c a n I p l e a s e g e t a w a f f l e
—————-
Store worker: would a "Barnacles" please come to the front desk please.
Barnacles, arriving at the desk: hello, is there a problem?
Store worker, pointing to Kwazii who has scratches all over him, tweak who is standing on kwaziis head, Peso who's holding tunip like a stuffed animal and just standing there, Dashi who's running around with shellington's testtube, and inkling who's holding shellington back from using Spanish to cuss Dashi out: I believe these are your kids.
Barnacles: I didn't even bring you guys with me-
Professor inkling: there's more.
Store worker, pointing to Min behind inkling, spinning him around in his chair, paani who's tryna go outside and drink rain water, Natquik who's also just standing there, Pearl trying to keep periwinkle away from paani, pinto next to his brother sitting on kwaziis lap, ryla who has a dog leash on her because she keeps trying to climb the Publix walls as if it was a rock climbing center, and Koshi who's sitting right next to Peso, and appears to be asleep: are these your kids too?
Barnacles: what the fuck you guys were in a DIFFERENT CONTINENT.
——————-
I improvised on the last one 😍
