Your Addiction, Simon Ghost Riley x Reader

La serpiente

At that moment I couldn't speak, couldn't process the words that had just been said to me. My heart raced as I tried to comprehend the reality of what had just happened. The world seemed to spin around me as I felt cold sweat break out on my forehead.

I never thought I could get pregnant and have Simon's baby. I never believed I deserved to have a child. That chance of loving someone else was simply taken away from me, like it didn't even matter. 

It was a shock to me, like I had been robbed of the future I had dreamed of. I felt like I would never be able to move forward, as if my life would forever be stuck in that moment.

Seconds after seconds I found myself questioning if I had done something wrong. What if I was being punished for something I didn't even know I had done? I felt so alone and scared of the uncertainty of what lay ahead. I needed Simon at that moment like never before.

"Does anybody know about this?" My voice was quivering as I tried to steady myself, my words barely audible.

"No, I thought you should be informed first" He spoke with a gentle voice, trying to ease my worries.

But I felt ashamed of myself. What if Simon didn't even want to have a family? I was scared of the unknown and felt that I had no one to turn to for support. Not even Soap, not even Price. I was anxious that maybe I had made a mistake in wishing to start a family with Simon. 

And that was why I decided to keep that secret to myself for the rest of my life.

"Please don't tell anyone about this. No one" Fear and uncertainty were clear in every word.

The thought of telling someone, even a close friend like Soap or my love Simon, felt like an insurmountable burden. I felt like I could not trust anyone with my secret, and that if I did, it would only make things more complicated.

I was afraid of being judged, or perhaps being abandoned.

The doctor then left me. Again, I was alone in that small room, feeling crushed by the walls. That fear of judgment  was so strong that it caused me to shut down and my thoughts raced, imagining the worst-case scenario. I felt overwhelmed and helpless, like I was trapped in that room with no escape.

...

Days passed but the thought of failure and disappointment never left my side. I was told Simon would come back soon, but every second felt like eternity. As I waited, the thoughts of all that could go wrong started to consume me.

What if he doesn't come back at all?

What if something bad happens to him?

Would he stop loving me if I started losing myself?

These thoughts kept me up at night, worrying about the future even though I knew how stupid they were.

That guy Alejandro was getting on my nerves. I was suspicious of his motives, wondering why a stranger would be so interested in me. Or maybe I was just overthinking. 

Our every conversation would be about nothing meaningful, and every time I asked him about Simon's return, he would change the topic and continue bullshitting me.

And just like that another week passed. There was no end to my fear and the unknown was consuming me.

Simon didn't come back as promised and with each day my worries grew stronger.

...

1 week later

...

"Can I join you on the walk this lovely Sunday afternoon?" Isabella rushed up to me as I walked out of the building.

"Sure" I was hesitant to spend time with her because I knew that she often talked too much and I didn't want to be stuck in an awkward conversation.

Isabella was that new girl on our team. She, some guys and Alejandro were the other group named "Los Vaqueros". I wasn't really sure why they joined Task 1-4-1, but seeing new faces was something I truly needed.

Even though Isabella was another girl on our team, she was annoying as fuck. It felt as if she was always following me like a puppet. I thought Isabella was trying to learn as much as she could from me, which was why she was asking so many questions. However, her lack of attention to my answers made me feel like she wasn't truly listening to me and was just trying to get information without actually understanding it. That was why I felt unappreciated.

And I wouldn't have cared about it that much. However, her bossing the other guys around and thinking she was the best there made me dislike Isabella even more.

I believed she was trying to mimic my skills and abilities without putting in any effort to actually learn or understand the material. But in a way, it was comforting to have her by my side while Simon and Soap were still on that mission.

But where was my Simon?

That question was clouding me at every step I took. I felt so alone and empty inside. I was desperate to have him back in my life, but at the same time I realised how dangerous it was to be so dependent on him. I had become so used to relying on him to be the source of my happiness. 

And it felt like I was constantly searching for ways to fill the void he had left in my life at that moment.

...

"Any news on when the boys are coming back?" She asked me out of the blue while we were walking through a nearby forest.

"No idea, why do you care?" I felt my suspicions growing but I didn't want to make any assumptions about her.

"Well, I've heard there is this one guy called Ghost. It appears that everyone is scared to interact with him and I want to see if I have a chance with him" I could tell she wasn't feeling any shame in what she had just said to me.

"Are you kidding me?" I looked at her, still not believing she would be trying to talk to him. What made her think she could get a single word out of my love Simon? "Do you really think this is a wise idea?" I could feel jealousy like venom spreading throughout my whole body. 

"It is worth trying, isn't it?" God damn it, she was getting on my nerves.

"Don't you think there is a reason he doesn't enjoy talking?"

"Maybe he is just shy"

"Or maybe he has set his boundaries and doesn't like it when people cross them. Or simply, he has someone else" My voice was sharp like never before. "Do you have a crush on him or something?" I continued.

"I mean, I have never seen his face, but I kind of do have this feeling"

Now it was clear that she had a crush on him and was probably hoping to make some kind of connection with him. But I also knew that she had no chance as Simon was devoted to me and only me. I was sure he would never look at her that way. 

The only reason why I didn't stop her was that only Soap knew about our relationship. No other members of our team were told about me and Simon. I thought everybody knowing about us would make it even more dangerous for us to be together.

Since I didn't want her to spread the news, I kept my mouth shut, secretly wishing she would burn after that rejection.

And so I cursed in my mind, being sick of all that new drama coming into my life.