Things We Do For Love

CHAPTER TWENTY

Kakashi's P.O.V

Heart racing maniacally, I finally dropped Icha-Icha Paradise to the bedside table frustrated by my own attitude. She had come to visit me, after hours of training, she still had the decency to come here and all I could do was focus on her memories.

She was beginning to remember the wrong lover.

What did she see? My entire life now depended on the series of recollections she was encountering. I had had been rude to her, I knew that but it was better than emotionally break down in front of her without any reason. Guy had tried to bring her back but in a fit of rage, sadness I had asked him to leave as well. He wasn't happy but I could care less. Nothing, absolutely nothing made me feel anything and it was all because my wife was remembering someone who deeply made me feel insecure. Iruka was the only man who I had found threatening and quite uncharacteristically, charming to my wife.

One of my greatest fear was coming to life before my own eyes and I could do nothing but watch it play. What if she fell in love with him? What would happen to our relationship? Our marriage? I could never dare to visit our daughters' graves, telling them that their mother had forgotten their existence. My heart wrenched, discomfort ran between my fingertips until my body was ringing with an invisible wound. I was at loss of words. At first, it was the sting in my eyes, then my lips began to quiver and finally, the dam broke. One by one, tears stained my mask and cheeks, my muscles aching as I tried to grip the sheets tighter. I couldn't lose her, not when I finally had her. The darkened room blurred as tiny lights mixed with the background setting, creating a hallucinogenic décor. Maybe I should have asked her to stay, in that way I would have known for sure that she was only spending time with me. Now that she was recalling, she could fall for Iruka and I would be watching her love someone. A gust of cold wind entered the usually quiet room; it was Konoha reminding me that I had been gone for too long. My children were frantically waiting for their father.

"Half a month" I said guiltily while looking at the tiny lights marring the nightly village crowd. I could barely see any of their faces but their shadows played within the backdrop, laughter echoed with the wind and with that, the idea of my children further distressed me. Perhaps if I closed my eyes, I could bring them back to life. They would be sitting on highchairs, applesauce running down their chins as Y/N tried to feed them properly. Maybe I was not in the hospital; instead, I was playing with my daughters, throwing them up in the air and catching them while Y/N watched me in horror. I was not in the hospital but in the nursery room, fascinated to watch my wife feed them before lulling them to sleep. I was still within the calmness of our world where Y/N and I were thinking of having another child. A boy this time, she would have told me. Our daughters would be hugging her round belly, whispering secrets to it before running away. Maybe they would have created poorly drawn pictures of our family; I could have cherished their first day of school and how the entire village would have been shocked to see my family. After all, how long would I have kept Y/N a secret? No, I would have ensured almost everyone knew that I had someone. However, Jiraiya-sama would have been against that thinking Y/N and our children would be in danger if someone knew. And he would have been right; even after all the precautionary steps taken to keep her safe, my wife was attacked. Our children were murdered. I opened my eyes at the thought of the culprit, how I would enjoy tearing their heart out of their body, hear them scream and yell in pain, to see their blood decorating my pale hands- only then would I feel this deep lust for crazed murder satiated.

"Good evening Kakashi" I did not answer as Akako walked inside, her midnight blue hair curled and her red lips shining as she turned on the dim yellow hospital lights.