Stuck in Between / BlindChannel

25. Why on earth you ended up naked in public?

Few days passed and it was now Thursday evening. The gang-bang joke was still living its own life every day at work and I was already hating myself even mentioning it but I could only blame on Niko and his sexual hunger on Monday morning. Even Aleksi reminded me about it almost every night before going to sleep but he got a taste of his own because I decided to tease him bit differently. Poor boy, I have never seen such a suffering in his eyes.

I grabbed two six packs from the backseat and headed towards Joonas'apartment. The beers were the payment for babysitting Joel and being my personal therapist.

"Step in my love, my couch is your couch and so on" Joonas smiled after opening the door.

"Well thank you" I smiled back and stepped in. I kicked my shoesoff and handed him his drinks before taking of my jacket.

"You want one?" he asked while placing the bottles into the fridge. I shook my head and jumped on the therapy sofa. Joonas opened one for him and threw me a bottle of coke. I thanked him and placed it on the coffee table.

"So, spill the tea" Joonas said and sat next to me.

"He said he loves me" I said and rested my legs on his lap.

"Joel again?" Joonas asked raising his eyebrows. If things during the weekend had gone any differently, like if that chat on the pier didn't happened or anything after that, I would be positive that Joel was really ok with me and Aleksi. But what happened made me doubt about it and I was having doubts about my own feelings as well.

"Aleksi you blonde.."

"Oh...Ohhhh... Ok I saw that coming. And? What about your feelings? Still mixed?"

"Well.. I did tell him I love him back" I answered. Joonas sipped his beer while I changed my mind about the coke and reached for the bottle I just put on the table. The man then looked at me with really questioning face and I could tell what he was thinking. Were my feelings towards Aleksi really existing or were they something I tried to force.

"Joonas... I really am in love with him. For real.. All the feelings I felt with Joel are there with Aleksi.. He just.. ugh..literally makes me melt.. Like.. I'm thinking about him and I'm already you know... and he is so caring.. and carefree.. and just so perfect in every way.." I placed the cap on the table and my body already started to tingle just because of thinking about Aleksi. I was attracted to him for sure. But what if that was it? It can't be. I loved him, I knew that.

"I need a fresh start you know.. And I'm not sure that I am really ever ready to tell him about the baby or that one little thing that we also have kept from him.. " I said and drank the coke. Joonas leaned his right arm against the armrest and supported his head with the same hand.

"Why are you so scared about telling him?" he asked. Yeah why? It was in the past, there's nothing I can change in that. I looked at Joonas and sighed.

"You've been living life and he sure has some skeletons in his closet as well, maybe.. Not that I know any but.."

"Yeah but.. If I don't tell him then I can at least pretend that my life has always been just great" I tried to come up with some reasonable excuse. Any other person would just probably walk away from these guys if they wanted a fresh start. But I didn't want to. I had to be able to start again while still being with them. They still are my everything no matter what.

"Ro, honey.. That's not how things works"

"I know... But I don't want to hurt him... I don't want him to think that he is not maybe good enough for me or what ever he might think after finding out why me and Joel are so fucking close to each others"