Stuck in Between / BlindChannel

2. Yours or mine?

Joel's warm breath touched my skin and I sighed. We did it again. We both knew we shouldn't but things just won't always go as we want, not with us. Instant regret flushed through me but then again, I did it for him. I hated to see him in that state of mind he was yesterday and I knew he'd feel better after some attention but I knew that it wasn't right thing to do anymore. We have to stop this and find some other ways to deal with our problems. I definitely can't imagine Joel trying yoga or something like that but I'm up for it if it makes my world a better place.

"Joel.."I whispered and carefully caressed his cheek, not wanting him to scare himself up.

"Mmh..?"He muttered into pillow.

"Get up... We gotta go in an hour" I said and stood up collecting my clothes from the floor.

"Do I have to?" He yawned and pushed himself up. His hair was messy and he looked tired. Mostly because we didn't sleep much last night. I pulled my shirt on me to cover my body and I saw Joel grinning on the bed. That freaking look on his face. He looked me exactly the same way he did back then. And after every time we've hooked up. I just tried not to fall for it again.

"Get up now" I laughed and walked to the kitchen. I turned the coffee machine on and waited until it had completed its rinsing cycle and placed two cups under it to make us cappuccino. Meanwhile I took out something to eat for breakfast and then I already heard Joel walking to the kitchen. He took one of the cups and sat down. I took out two plates and placed them on the table while Joel reached out for the bread.

"Guess I should apologize.." He said and took a sip of his coffee.

"Why?"I asked and sat opposite to him, taking a slice of bread.

"About last night... I know we should stop sleeping together.."

"Well..What's done is done.. We have a history and from who else you go to search for some understanding when life keeps fucking us over than someone you know by heart.." I said and smeared butter on my bread.

"True...And.. In my opinion the sex has even got better after we broke up" the man smirked into his cup. I put some ham, cheese and tomato slices on my bread and looked at Joel who was waiting for my answer.

"Seriously Joel? Does it boost your ego if I agree?" I asked laughing. Yes the sex was great and mostly because we knew what we wanted, what were the limits and we were not afraid to say if something felt bad. We always had our release but in the end, it didn't have feelings in it anymore. Not that way. The feelings were just pure comfort and knowing that there is someone who cares, but it wasn't love.

"You wanna say I'm lying? Come on" Joel grinned and continued munching his bread while reaching for a new one.

"No..I mean.. Yeah it has improved but.. Don't hang on that. Besides, we broke up for a reason... We just know each others for so damn long that it would be weird to just forget each others" I said and took a bite from my bread and lifted the cup closer to my lips.

"Not forgetting the fact that we also work together..." I continued and drank my coffee.

"Yeah but... I know you want to move on.. I've seen what's going on between you and Aleksi and I don't want you to think that you need my permission to proceed with him.. " Joel said while preparing the new slice of bread. I almost choked into my coffee.

"Why do you even assume that there is something between me and him?" I asked and looked at Joel who looked at me under his eyebrows. I knewJoel had noticed that there had been a sort of flirt going on between me and Aleksi back and forth for a while now, but him being Joel's band mate has kind of kept me on my toes about doing anything with him.