Stuck in Between / BlindChannel

21. Why the hell is this vodka frozen?!

"Fucking hell.. I .. I don't get paid enough to deal with this you know" he said and I couldn't really tell if he was mad or confused. Both feelings would be accepted anyways because I was confused by my own feelings and I was getting mad at myself that I let it all happen yesterday but then again, it was an emotional moment that made me miss Joel like Rose misses Jack. Goddamn woman just make up your mind already.. I can't continue like this forever and in end one of them ends up hurt anyway. And that was something I was not proud of.

"You really.. "

"Yeah I know, I know.. I have to deal with this mess now too besides everything else..." I cut him off and placed my head against Joonas' shoulder.

"Indeed... And that's not even a mess. It is a freaking.. Fuck Idon't even know anymore how to call that. Girl you are knees deep in problems... So what are these feelings now?" Joonas asked.

"I don't know.. Like.. I'm so fucking unsure about everything right now.. Aleksi is great guy and I really am having a strong connection with him you know.. Like I told you, the butterflies and stuff. But then there is that dude over there" I pointed behind us.

"That just manages to mess up my head so bad each time.. It's like he just looks at me and poof I'm falling for him over and over again..." I mumbled against Joonas' shoulder.

"Damn things are so complicated between you two.. Or should I say three. Aleksi is also a part of this shit show you know. Babe you gotta have a talk with your heart about this.. Your brain is a fucking mess..." he sighed and wrapped his hand around me.

"No shit... "

"Just hypothetically.. Would it work out with Joel again?" Joonas whispered.

"I though about that not too long time ago.. And.. I started to think that what if this time apart was like a needed pause for us..To ..I don't know.. realize that.. it might not be all lost yet..."

"And now for real, are you willing to try again with Joel?"Joonas shoot. Was I? Thinking about it was easy, I could think whatever I wanted. But. The truth still was that I had feelings towards Aleksi. And what if getting together with him was smarter choice than going back to the old and once lost love?

"I don't know.. Joonas... And sorry that I am pouring my heart to you again.. I really feel shitty about that" I apologized. I wasn't ready to tell Joonas what feelings Joel's presence made me feel because that poor man's head was already hurting enough. Joonas stroked my side and rested his head against mine.

"You just own me a shitloads of beer, you know, so I can drink down all your problems" he laughed.

"Haha.. yeah... the fact that you drink down all my problems really makes me feel better.. No hangovers" I laughed.

"Yeah, and no shitty liver" he smirked and kissed my head before standing up and going back to others. I loved Joonas. Even if he was mad at me because the mess, he still was there for me.

We spent few more hours on the boat and by the time we got back, Olli was also feeling much better. Actually so much better that he was ready to start drinking again and it was only half past four.

I went to kitchen to start prep the new patch of meat for the grilland Tommi was helping me. Niko and Joonas were drinking with Olli and Joel was cutting some logs to smaller so he could later use them to warm up the sauna. Seeing him with the ax in his hand was pretty hot because it was something you would never believe him doing. I mean, I could easily imagine Niko or Tommi doing that, but not Joel. Yet there he was, looking like a Thor, just maybe not that muscular.