FALLING | MxM (completed)

Chapter 36

edited

(Earlier that day)

"Denny, can you come out to the living room? There's someone here." Joe said nervously.

Aiden put on a shirt and followed him out, only to be faced with Ian. Him, standing there, brought back all the memories. Good and bad ones. He didn't know for how long they were staring at each other, but Ian was the first one to break the silence.

"Shall we sit?" His ex was the first one to sit and gestured for the two to do the same. As soon as Aiden sat down on the same couch, but with a big gap between them, Ian started talking in a serious tone but calmly.

"What the fuck Den? What are you trying to prove like this?"

"What... are you talking about?" Aiden couldn't take his eyes off of the man, but he also didn't dare to look at him for much longer so he just lowered his gaze.

"I'm talking about all this. Your face. You look really fucked up. I'm not a fan of your career, but how are you even gonna go on stage looking like that?" Ian gestured at him from head to toe.

Aiden was biting on his cheek repeatedly. "I deserve this." He mumbled under his breath.

Ian exhaled harshly. "To some point you do, but you also broke our relationship for your career, so shouldn't you at least be taking responsibility for that?"

Aiden didn't know what to say, so he just stayed silent.

"The accident, it wasn't your fault. I know you're beating yourself up for that. You even started doing drugs. Fucking drugs! I'm not gonna lie, I wanted you to suffer like I did, so although I never felt like it was your fault, ever, I didn't say it out loud. Just to let you taste the sorrow a little bit. But then you went off the road, overdosing over and over, like, when did you become this stupid? You used to be good at math!"

"They... weren't exactly miscalculations. Not all of them... I mean, I really didn't know what I was doing at that point anymore but, yeah..."

"Den, I'm saying this only once, so you better listen to me carefully. I've forgiven you. I've moved on. It was hard and lonely, but I did. I think the more you stayed away, the easier it became for me to just let go. And now it's your turn. I don't love you that way anymore, but deep down, you're still a very dear friend to me. I don't enjoy seeing you ruin your body. I don't like it that I'm the reason for you doing all that. So although I really didn't wanna see you ever again, cos I still want to punch you, I came to say that I forgave you. It's time for you to forgive yourself as well." Ian looked at Joe for a couple of seconds and smiled. "I'm happy you two made up. Den, when you... when you wanna be with someone in the future, make sure you're able to be there when they need you. Loneliness can do strange things to people. Look what it made me do. Look what it made us do. I hope we both find love again. One that stays." Ian bit his lip a few times while looking at him, who had his head down the whole time, before standing up. As he was passing Aiden, he felt a grip around his wrist.

"Ian, I... I'm really sorry. I never meant for any of this to happen. But you made me feel loved. I'll always be thankful for that and I'll always love you, although I'm not worthy of it." He felt how the grip tightened on his wrist. "Can I... can I hug you? One last time?" Aiden looked at him with pleading and teary eyes. Ian nodded shortly, and he found himself in Aiden's strong arms in a blink of an eye. He hugged him so tight it was hard to breathe. He felt how Aiden inhaled his scent and buried his head in his neck while caressing his hair. They stood like that for several minutes. Ian didn't hug back, but he didn't try to get out of the embrace either.

And then, at some point, Aiden loosened his grip, cupped his face, and placed a gentle kiss on his forehead. He poured all of his feelings, the sadness, the regrets, the sorrow, and the love, into that single kiss. And then he let go, taking one step back while looking down at his feet. Murmuring another 'I'm sorry' while tears fell down, he rushed to the bedroom. Afraid that if he stayed longer, he'd start begging him to give him another chance. He still loved Ian. He loved him so much. Or maybe it was pure guilt that didn't let him move on. It didn't matter how much everyone kept telling him it wasn't his fault, he could never get it inside his head. But hearing it from Ian had indeed calmed his thoughts a little. And he was right. He shouldn't put any other person in his position again. Any other person, like Edwin. The innocent doctor who had grown feelings toward him although he didn't get the reasoning behind that. How could anyone fall for a mess that was him? He had never given any thought to starting anything with the boy, but he needed to be responsible, like Ian said, and finish it. For both of them, especially for the blue-haired beauty.